Where I stood
by bebe2580
Summary: First song fic. Spoilers for S6. Very angsty. Explores Brennan's and Booth's thoughts as they reflect on the events that led them to leave, and how things are after a year apart. Better read. I suck at summaries. Some swearing, language...
1. Where I stood

_I don't know what I've done_

_Or if I like what I've begun_

_But something told me to run_

_And honey you know me it's all or none_

As she rested her head on her hand, looking at the sparkling sky shining above her, feeling her skin dampen with perspiration, the hot, humid night driving out the chilling sensation that had taken hold on her ever since she stepped foot into the airplane that drove her away from her life, she was aware that even if this had been the right choice in her mind, she would never be able to drive the tightening feeling that had taken residence in her chest, making it hard to breathe, to eat, simply… to live.

_There were sounds in my head_

_LIttle voices whispering_

_That I should go and this should end_

_Oh and I found myself listening_

She had known this was coming. Ever since their fateful night in front of the Hoover, she knew sooner or later her flight instincts would come barging in, breaking the most meaningful, fulfilling relationship she had ever had in her life. The absolute bone-chilling fear she had felt that night had never been fully driven out of her. She had tried to act normal, casual; both for his sake and hers, she had tried to make it seem like nothing had changed when she knew they were deluding themselves. Even as she tried to date Andrew and he briefly dated Catherine, she knew the silence of what they weren´t saying was worse than if they faced it right on. It was killing them both, slowly.

She saw his desperate gaze after Taffet´s trial. She saw how hard he was trying to cling to the last bit of normalcy between them, but she knew the center was being broken, because of her. She knew he was right to confront her that night, and even if it had brought so many changes, she was aware he couldn´t keep living a lie. She tried to hate Sweets even, but he had spoken one fundamental truth. One of them had to break the stalemate, but they both knew she would never be the one to do it. As long as their feelings were resting there, silently lurking beneath the surface, they would be fine. They could hide, and bask in the silent comfort of a hug that lasted longer than was partner or friend-like, of his hand at the small of her back, burning her skin even through the layers.

That night, outside the Founding Fathers, and she told him how tired she was, how she might need more than a little space, she saw the giddiness at seeing their friends find their way to each other be replaced with a pain deeper and more bitter than what she had seen in his eyes when she said she couldn´t be with him because she couldn´t change.

When the cab she took was far enough from him and his silhouette was nothing but a picture in her mind, her eyes had filled with tears, reminiscing of how a cab ride 6 years ago had changed her entire life. If it had been for the better or for the worse, she still didn´t know.

Perhaps if they had acted on their desire, they wouldn´t have formed the bond they now shared. Perhaps if they had, they would have been able to find something so precious that would still exist. But those were questions that would forever remained unanswered.

Staring at her surroundings, she could only picture what he was seeing now. Blood, death. His men being killed. Him trying to teach them everything to survive the hell they had accepted for the greater good.

She only hoped he wasn´t losing himself again. She hoped her decision hadn´t changed him forever, changed the only man she had let inside her soul.

_Funny that because of him, she believed she had one._

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cos she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

Part of the reason she had left was because there was a moment when she could no longer think of herself without associating her life with him. When Taffet´s trial was in motion, and her nights were filled with nightmares, and she woke up, drenched in sweat and chest pounding painfully, her only thought was him. She knew a hug from him could calm her, ease her fear. She knew that his arms around her would drive her fear away, and the fear became greater when she had actual confirmation. That afternoon, when he came to her place and told her he had dropped his charges against Taffet because he wouldn´t let her stand on her own, to fight alone, and she had confessed her nightmares and he had held her to his body, his scent instantly lulling her into calmness, she knew she had to do something. Her vow to herself not to hurt him was weakening exponentially, and she couldn´t let it happen, even if she broke her own heart in the process.

_See I thought love was black and white_

_That it was wrong or it was right_

_But you ain't leaving without a fight_

_And I think I am just as torn inside_

He had tried. Really hard. The way he had hold on to her hand that night, pleading her to have one last drink wasn´t really a demand for her company. She had seen a flash in his eyes, something that said, "Please, fight for us. Fight for this. You want this, you need this as badly as I do". And It was true. But she couldn´t hurt him.

But if she was truthful, she had to say that part of her running was for her. He had proven himself to her over and over, he had vowed to stay with her, to be her partner. But she knew that if she opened Pandora´s box, they might never be the same, and if he ever got disappointed and found she wasn´t all he wanted, as he claimed, she would literally die.

Up until he came into her life, she dismissed love and regarded it as chemicals and bodily functions. But the irrationality of what he made her feel changed every notion she had on love, on life.

He had tried to fight that night for her to stay. She could imagine what he was trying to do. Perhaps, in time, she would give in. And he wasn´t so wrong. If she had stayed she would have caved, despite her better intentions.

Daisy and everyone thought the offer to head the Maluku project had been issued after Daisy´s, but the truth is that she had known about it for quite some time. Part of the reason she had been without sleep was her overactive brain trying to come up with the right decision, because she knew the rift it would cause between them would never be mended.

But she needed to do it.

When he first told her he had been offered to return to the Army, she had tried to act nonchalant and rational as always, even complimenting him. But when she saw how heavily the worry settled on his shoulders, she knew leaving was the only course of action. How could she not? She knew that if she stayed behind, she would die of loneliness, of heartbreak. And thus, she accepted.

Even if Daisy´s meddling had been annoying, at the end, it turned out fortunate. But that day, by the coffee cart, she saw how hurt, how betrayed he was. That night, when she got home, she spent long hours crying for what she was making him do, for what she was doing to them, to herself, but she couldn´t stop.

Her lips had positively tingled as they talked that last time in the airport. She wished so badly that he, for once, stopped being the always-understanding, gentleman he was and took what he wanted. She wanted to take the memory of his lips, of his taste with her, to calm the pain she was already feeling. But he only grasped the hand as he made her promise to meet one year from that day.

His eyes, as he walked away from her were haunted, and lacked their usual vibrancy. Even from afar, she could see the sheen of unshed tears, and when he turned his back, she knew that if she didn´t love him so much, didn´t want happiness for him so much, she would have run to him and plead him to stay, to stay safe. With Her.

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cos she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call_

_You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all_

_But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you_

_This is what I have to do_

She had only received one email from him. One. He told her he had a bit of a surprise for her, and that she shouldn´t worry for his wellbeing. He wasn´t being a hero. He was staying safe. He knew his son needs him. And so he had stayed relatively far from danger, even if it the concept was "laughable".

_He had ended that short communication with a "Hope you found all the answers you needed"._

_Those words had stung. But she knew they were deserved._

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cos she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood_

She was watching them from across the street. They were laughing, and he was holding her to his body with one heavy arm draped across her shoulder, very much the same way he had done when they walked away from the Hoover, the promise of fighting for what they had always been overriding the need to fight for what they could be. He was nuzzling her neck, and she was giggling.

The woman in her wanted to hate her, but she could see why he had been drawn to her. She was tall, blond, beautiful. Perfect body. Perfect hair. Even perfect attitude. Sweet, funny to a fault, not awkward in social settings. Just perfect.

She knew this was the right thing. Her choice had been right. But it felt wrong. Because when she saw him stare into her eyes, and bend his head to brush his lips against her, the tears came without her permission. When he hugged her to his chest, and deepened the kiss, she remembered exactly how he had tasted on that rainy night outside a pool bar 6 years ago. Hot. Heavy.

Heavenly.

She hid behind a thick oak tree, and saw him raise his head and tenderly brush a hand against her cheek, and the answering tilt of her head, followed by her body snuggling closer to his, resting his head on those perfect shoulders. Shoulders that carried the weight of the world above them.

She knew she wasn´t afraid of love. She was just like Angela. She could see it. She embraced it.

She wouldn´t run from him like she had done.

But when she saw her rub his back soothingly, and he placed his chin above her head, she only wanted to go over there, smack her hands away and scream to her that she had no right to touch him, for her heart owned him as much as his owned hers.

But she had lost that right when all he got in reply for his gentle, generous offers of love was her coldness and her fear.

And right now, she knew she would always be the perfect partner, the best friend.

But her shot at happiness had gone up in flames by her own hands.

Because in front of her stood a woman who had the strength she lacked to open her heart.

And she knew, just knew, it wouldn´t be long before her place in his heart would be nothing but a sorrowful memory to him, and a lifetime of pain for her.


	2. AN

A/N

First, of all, the official yada yada.

I don´t own Bones (though I wish I could :) If I did, Booth and Brennan would already have what I suppose would be the cutest baby alive!

The song is "Where I stood", from Missy Higgings.

Second, my thoughts;

I wrote this as kind of a stream of conciousness exercise. Hope you like, and any mistakes, feel free to point them out.

As any writer, I live for reviews, so I know if you liked it... So, please, if you feel like it, press that little button on the bottom (hehe :)

Third... Musie can be subjected to brivery, she´s weak, and if she gets enough reviews, she might find a companion piece...

I don´t know if you would like to see an answering piece as Booth reflects on the same topics...

And maybe, maybe, if musie is pleased... I could post kind of a "resolution" piece, if you know what I mean...

Anyway, thank you all for reading... :)))


	3. Blind

**Ok, this is the answering piece, Booth´s thoughts on everything that led them to the events of early S6.**

**As usual, I don´t own anything, though, like many, I wish I did. (Hart, give us hope, pleeease!) The official yada yada, it belongs to Fox, though I take the characters on loan for my own guilty pleasure… **

**The song is "Blind", by Lifehouse.**

**I´ve got to say, I had always loved this song, but it suddenly clicked how much it fits.**

**Anyway, I´ll let you be the judges of that ****))**

_I was young but I wasn't naive_

_I watched helpless as you turned around to leave_

_And still I have the pain I have to carry_

_A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried_

He had always thought he knew what heartbreak truly was. His childhood had been filled with it, only to be replaced by what he had witnessed in war. But the truth was that he didn't know what heartbreak meant until he met her. He wasn't stupid. He certainly wasn't naïve. He had seen his more than fair share of horror, he had had his heart crushed, his hopes diminished. Every single beating, every single moment of loneliness, every man he had to let go because he had no choice. But not a single thing compared to what Temperance Brennan had done to him. Not one of his torturers had the ability to break, the way she had. Just the thought of her was enough to make his chest feel like he had aged a thousand years. He was just reaching his 40's and yet he felt older than his Pops.

That fateful night that seemed like it had been just yesterday was the single most painful moment of his life. When he dropped her at her apartment after their conversation, when she reached for the door handle and stared at him for long seconds, he used every single skill he had to mask the pain that was threatening to kill everything good about him. He gave her what he thought was a reassuring smile and left, driving aimlessly until the wee hours of the night.

He even had gone to the same Pool place where he kissed her first, where he sensed just how much she would change his life. He stayed in his SUV for long minutes until he decided no one was worth destroying himself. If there was something he had vowed to himself the day he held Parker in his arms and stared at his little face and his tiny fingers curling around his larger ones, was that he would never be his father, defeated by a vice. Parker had given him the strength to keep fighting when everything in him was dying, when he had nothing to fight for. But that night, sitting alone on his SUV, he had to face the most excruciatingly painful realization of his life: he had just traded an addiction for another which had turned out to be even more deadly and relentless in its intensity.

_After all this time_

_I never thought we'd be here_

_Never thought we'd be here_

_When my love for you was blind_

_But I couldn't make you see it_

_Couldn't make you see it_

_That I loved you more than you´ll ever know_

_When part of me died when I let you go_

__After 5 years of being partners, after 6 years from that first moment when they stared into each other´s eyes, he had thought, for one foolish, hopeful second, that he had proven himself to her, than ever single wall he had tried to break had given enough for him to be let in, to be allowed into the heart he had always known it was there. But 6 years later after that afternoon when he decided being blackmailed into being her partner and later on, her friend, and he bet on her, on them, he would have never thought there would be an ocean between them.

He wanted to hate Sweets, but at the end, he had no one to blame but himself. Something inside told him she still wasn´t ready to heart it, but the man in him had grown too desperate, the beast he had tried to cage had rattled the bars of its prison so strongly he was no longer able to deny it. He had sensed she wanted to give in, but in the end, her fear would always be greater than her ability to love, and to let herself be loved. By him.

His love for her had made him blind to every other woman. Even if Cam had entered the picture, he had always known it was a pitiful attempt at trying to erase her from his mind, but it only served to let him confirm what he already knew at heart: that she had stolen his heart, piece by piece, day by day, and he wasn't getting it back. He had only been lucky that Cam was first and foremost, his friend, and they had parted without a grudge, and the irony was that after everything, she had become one of the greatest supporters for his cause in pursuing his partner.

Every woman after Cam was just his sorry attempts to fill his lonely nights. He needed to know he could be loved, and he had found amazing women, but their only fault was that they weren´t Temperance Brennan. They could have the blue eyes, but not the right shade. They could have beautiful bodies, but they didn't have the hourglass figures he had longed to touch for so very long. He had found release, but the emptiness remained. He had satisfied his body, but he still hadn´t found what he was searching for. He thought it was ironic that he was deadly certain that the only woman he had ever desired with an ache so deep it had stolen his piece of mind and he hadn´t made love to would be the only one to quench his thirst.

_I would fall asleep_

_Only in hopes of dreaming_

_That everything would be like it was before_

_But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting_

_They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor_

He remembered how he started to stop dreading going to sleep, because instead of nightmares, his dreams were filled with her. Only her. Her alabaster skin, like spun silk, her auburn curls that shone like honey, of her body that seemed like something Michelangelo would have sculpted, a work of art, but mostly, her eyes, those sparkling sapphires that showed every single emotion she tried to hide, eyes that let him know how she was feeling, what she was thinking without uttering a single word.

But since the moment he hopped on that plane that would take him to face, yet again, every single demon he thought he had left behind, , he started ordering his dreams not to keep her in, to forget about her. To forget that at some point, she had become his entire life.

_After all this time_

_I never thought we'd be here_

_Never thought we'd be here_

_When my love for you was blind_

_But I couldn't make you see it_

_Couldn't make you see it_

_That I loved you more than you´ll ever know_

_When part of me died when I let you go_

__Hannah was everything he would have wanted in a woman before he met her. She was funny, beautiful, had a way with people. She knew how to make him laugh, but mostly, she knew how to make him forget. The moment he realized he would be taking her back with him, he decided that for once, the truth was probably not the best course.

During those months, and from the moment Hannah had entered his life, he had mode one irrefutable choice: if his mission in life had been loving Temperance Brennan, now his main goal would be forgetting her. He knew a part of him would always love her. He had loved her for too long to forget about her. Meeting her had made him a better man, and for that he would always be thankful. She would never know that she had been his reason to stop gambling. She would never know that his meaningless one-night stands had stopped after he first realized how much he wanted her, how much he longed to make them… _them. _

When he held her hand at the airport, and he stared into those bottomless pools of blue, his heart was literally crushed. Every single fear he had for her safety came rushing to the surface, but mostly, knowing that despite what they had foolishly said to one another and all the assurances they had given each other, this year apart would inevitably change them.

She had said once that entropy was an inevitable force. But his lovesick heart had thought that any change would lead them to the life he had always dreamed for themselves, to a future where they could take their ridiculously amazing partnership to the next level, not to this endless ocean of heartbreak and disappointment.

He was thankful. Hannah had come at a moment when he needed someone badly. His wounds had just started closing when he had to go save a group of journalist that had been ambushed by a rebel group. Their first date had been nothing romantic. They had been sipping some beer under the scolding Afghan sun, surrounding by dirt, in the aftermath of a huge sandstorm. But that afternoon was the first time he had been able to laugh in more than half a year. And it felt good to know he was still alive, that even if a part of him had died when he let go of _her_ hand, when all he got in response for his desperate kiss was a tearful rejection, staring into the green eyes of the beauty in front of him he knew that perhaps he wouldn't have his perfect dream, his perfect idea of love, but maybe, just maybe, he could come quite close. And maybe he deserved it.

_After all this war_

_Would you ever wanna leave it_

_Maybe you could not believe it_

_That my love for you was blind_

_But I couldn't make you see it_

_Couldn't make you see it_

_That I loved you more than you will ever know_

_A part of me died when I let you go_

_That I loved you more than you'll ever know_

_A part of me died when I let you go_

Their first encounter was sweet, and for a second, it felt like no time had passed. It was filled with the longing of two people who had meant everything to the other, with the familiarity of a life that had been only theirs until this moment. But the comforting feeling only lasted until they sat down on their usual bench, and it seemed like reality had found a way to remind them that indeed, a whole year had passed, and they had changed along with it. He saw how much she was transformed by their year apart. Still loving her job, her eyes sparkling with delight as she told him how fulfilling and life-altering the dig had been, not just for her, but for everyone who had assisted. But there were traces of sadness he hadn´t seen there before she left. Sure, there had always been this little lost girl look in her eyes, a haunted sadness that had always compelled him to protect her, to comfort her, to take her in his arms under the pretense of those "guy hugs" that were nothing partner-like. But now, there was something else he couldn´t decipher, and honestly, his battered heart didn´t even want to. He was just starting to mend, and this was the ultimate test to know if he had finally found the will and the strength to move on.

They had only exchanged an email, but when he said he might have a surprise for her, he knew it wasn´t right to tell her on paper that he had found someone who was willing to help him move on to find his 30, 40 or 50 years. Someone who was growing to love him, to accept him for who he was.

When he introduced them, he thought he saw a flicker of something in her eyes… But it couldn't be. She had no reason to feel betrayed. He was still there, he was still her partner, and he would do his best to continue being her friend, but now he had someone to go home to. Someone who was filling his lonely nights with more than pain. Someone who knew he had tons of issues, but who was willing to get to know him, scars and all. Someone who could trust in him, in his ability to love, and who knew how to let herself be loved. And it felt nice.

Hannah had been nice to her, and welcoming. Temperance had acted like her usual self, awkward, but thankfully, not rude. Even if it was selfish, he wasn't ready to give up his partnership. And Hannah had been the reason behind him not fearing being around her anymore. She acted like his rock. Some days, it had been hard. She continued to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and it seemed it would always be like that.

Now, as he inhaled her clean scent, his chin propped on her head after sharing a playful, loving kiss, he couldn´t help but compare them. Her voice was soft, but it didn´t have the husky undertones that had always melted him. Her body was perfect, but it lacked a bit of the fullness he had always itched to touch. Her eyes were like sparkling gems, but they weren't the color of the deepest ocean.

But she had a soft heart. And little by little, her loving resolve was starting to mend his own.

And even if he had blind once, now he was starting to think about giving his heart once again. But not blindly.

He had learned his lesson, sourly. And he would never forget it.

As Hannah nuzzled his neck and rubbed his back, he smiled, but for a second, he thought he felt someone watching, and he decided he had imagined a hint of auburn curls somewhere in the distance.

Because it just couldn't be.

He was resigned to the fact that she would always be blind to his love. She would always be blind to everything he had tried to give her. To a live filled with love, with endless passion, that he was certain would never fade.

At last, he was cured.

Or somehow, he hoped in time he would be.

He prayed to God he was.

Because he couldn't let another part of him die. He was too broken already. If he didn't protect what remained, he might not have what it took to continue breathing.

And for a second, as his arms wrapped around Hannah, he despised himself, because a lightening of realization hit his heart when he realized no one would ever come close to taking her place in his heart.

But he would go on. He would move on. He would find his 30, 40 or 50 years.

Or die trying.

**Please, press that little button at the end… Musie is greedy, and perhaps, if she gets happy enough, there will be another piece… To end the angst…**

**You will be the ones to lead… **


	4. I love you

**Ok, this is even angstier, but please have faith. All in due time.**

**Musie is greedy, as usual. Feed her, and she will… answer in reply (hehehe)**

**The song is "I love you", by Sarah Machlachlan, and it´s incredibly sad. Somehow, it fits (at least, in my very humble opinion)**

**Please, let me know is this is worth continuing. Reviews are like… writer's food.**

The case had been brutal. It had involved the bodies of 2 small children. A boy and a girl. Twins. 2 year olds. Their whole lives ahead of them, and they had been killed. It had taken them longer than usual, but at the end they had discovered the murderer. It was indeed an awful situation: she had been hired as the children´s nanny, but what the mother didn´t know when she hired the 35 year-old woman was that she had had a stillbirth provoked by the cruel beating of her husband. Coincidentally, she was also expecting twins, and the mental and emotional distress the death of her babies provoked left her mentally unstable. Later, they learned she had been watching the family in the park, and she had made her goal to get close to the family, but mostly, to the children. Annie and Charlie were two beautiful, active 2 year olds, filled with the innocence and childlike wonder every child their age portrayed, they were loving and they took to people easily, so it was no surprise when they started getting attached to Jacqueline. What their mother would have never imagined is that her fixation with them was precisely what made her snap. Seeing the love they bestowed upon their mom the second she arrived home, how they bathed her face with sloppy, tender kissed made Jacqueline realize she would never have that, as her miscarriage had been so violent they had to perform an hysterectomy, thus robbing her of the chance of having any children of her own. Seeing the tender interaction between mother and children made her composure disappear, and hatred for herself, for the world took the place of the quiet calm she usually portrayed. So one afternoon, while she was giving them their afternoon bath, she saw herself holding their little bodies underwater in the bathtub, her bulkier body overpowering them as they struggled for water, seeing their terrified eyes that were showing they didn´t understand why she was hurting them when they had always trusted her.

As Booth listened to the woman´s confession, Brennan was on the other side of the glass of the interrogation room, shivers running down her spine. She had spent so many nights tossing and turning, and to add the mental turmoil this case had created for the team, it was like she couldn´t find any source. So she rubbed her cold arms, trying to create some sort of friction that could warm her. Perhaps she was coming down with something, or maybe she was just tired. Angela had told her she needed a few days off, but since she had returned so shortly ago from Maluku, she didn´t dare abuse Cam's sympathy, even if she knew that her boss would never object to her taking a small break. In fact, if it hadn't been for her compartmentalization techniques, she would have reacted the same way Angela and Cam had: bursting in tears as they stared at the little bodies resting on the metal platforms. It was the most awful sight, and everyone was appalled that someone could take their hatred and anger on something so fragile and tender.

Sweets entered the room, and gave her a raised look, but didn't say a word, which she was very thankful for. She wasn't in the mood to deal with him, even if since their return he seemed a lot more grown up, more mature. They had had only 2 sessions, to assess if they could return to their partnership. They had bickered, and they even made Sweets smile, but deep inside, she knew they were broken. Hannah had become a permanent fixture in Booth's life. She was happy, or at least, she was trying to be happy for him, knowing, witnessing firsthand how good Hannah was for hi, but all she could feel was the aching, the loneliness of missing what they had had, what they could have had if she hadn't been so afraid of letting herself be loved.

"Dr. Brennan, are you ok? You look a little… off, if I might say so", Sweets said. She tried her best to give him a smile, but she knew it was coming out tired, but mostly, filled with sadness and longing.

"Just tired, Sweets. This case was hard, and it took us longer to solve", she replied, and he nodded.

"Of course. It´s never easy to see someone so young be killed… in such a manner", he said.

"Do you think she was really mentally unstable when… when she killed them?", she asked. She would hate to fall for a lie, but mostly, if they didn´t get this children and their family justice.

"At the beginning I thought she was faking it, but I can say she IS mentally unstable. They way her own kids died, added to the abuse she was subjected to, and then seeing the love in that family… It made her snap. I mean, I think at first she approached them because she was thinking of stealing the children, but deep inside, she knew she could never break their attachment to the mother, so instead, she decided to… make her hurt the way she was hurting, a payback, even if Mrs. Lansky had no fault in the events that led to the passing of her children", Sweets answered.

Looking through the glass, seeing Booth´s jaw clenched in anger, eyes filled with sadness, she wanted nothing more than to go inside, and hold him against her chest, caress him until every ounce of tension left his body, but she couldn´t. She would never put him in a place where he had to feel more pain, and leading him to a crossroads was the last thing he needed. Even if she knew he still cared, she knew Hannah was healing him, leading him to a better place.

"Anyway, it´s so… sad", she sighed, her eyes fixed on the sobbing woman being put in handcuffs, "She had no one to turn to, no one who understood the pain she was going through. She was abused to such a degree it cost her her own children, and she had no one to go to. In a way, even if I know it´s irrational because she´s a killer… I pity her", she finished.

Sweets hid his sad smile. Even if the year apart had been awful to them as partners, what it had done for her as a person was remarkable, and it was truly sad that Booth wasn't seeing it. He had been so focused on protecting his heart that he was turning a blind eye to everything she was going through. Sure, in front of the squints and everyone she knew, she was acting the same, but Sweets was seeing another side of her, a side he knew had been prompted by Booth's love and devotion. But now that it was being taken away from her, what would happen to what she was letting herself feel?

"Dr. Brennan", he cleared his throat, "Can I ask you a question? I know we're not in my office, and you might think I´m overstepping the boundaries, but there's something I need to know and I know you won't answer with Agent Booth in the room", she frowned, but nodded, waiting for his question.

"Ask, and I might decide if I should answer or not", she replied.

"Fair enough, Dr. Brennan. Did… Did something happen between you and Booth?", he saw her eyes widen, "I noticed that ever since we discussed my book and your real first case… You and Agent Booth have been acting differently. I'm sorry, but if something happened because I pushed Agent Booth…. I should know. I…", he looked lost, and she knew he was asking out of concern, she could see in his eyes it was not the psychologist, but the baby duck wanting to know if mom and dad were ok.

She pondered if she should answer, but she was so tired, she didn´t want to waste time in lying, so she decided the truth without details was the best course of action.

"Something did happen that night, Sweets", he saw his eyes widen in surprise, "That night I realize how much he loves me, and that I´m so terrified of hurting him, of letting myself be loved by the best man I´m sure I´ll ever meet that I lost my only chance at happiness", she smiled tearfully, "But it´s not your fault. You were right. Someone had to make a move. I´m just sad… It had to be him, because I know he blamed himself for this, and I hurt him, yet again. I only hope Hannah… is giving him what he truly deserves", she finished, since the lump in her throat hurt too much.

Sweets gave her a sad look, and replied, "Don´t you think that what he deserved was you trying?", he asked, and she shook herself.

"Even if that´s true, it´s not… It´s no longer a possibility, and I´ll… I´ll just… focus on breathing in and out, every single day, until I don´t have to focus anymore on breathing in and out. Does that make any sense to you, Sweets?", she asked, and he nodded.

"It makes perfect sense, Dr. Brennan. I´m… I will forever be sorry that I was the one who… created this rift between you", he said, and she walked and made a totally un-Brennan like move as she moved towards him, and took his hand in hers.

"It was myself who did that, and for my life to come… I will be the sorriest", she said, and bent her head to press a soft kiss against his cheek, "Thank you for believing in us for so long. We weren´t really fair to you, Sweets".

He pursed his lips, his eyes becoming moist at seeing this normally strong, independent, beautiful woman reduced to someone who had lost everything, and worst of all, who wasn't willing to fight. At least, in the things her heart was involved. She had truly given up. She would continue to be the best at what she did, but he could see she had resigned herself to the fact that all she would have from now on would be her science, and her borrowed family, at least, until they took their own ways, and then… she would be alone.

"Dr. Brennan, I…", he tried to say something, anything, but words failed him.

"You don´t have to say a single word. This was my mess, and even if… fixing it is no longer possible, at least I have my partner, don´t I? that should be enough for me", she said, and smiled at him, but she knew he was reading how fake it truly was.

"Is it really? Enough, I mean?", he asked as she placed her hand on the doorknob.

He could see her back tense, and then her usual resolve strengthening the line of her spine, as she tilted her head just a bit to reply, "Even if it wasn´t, if it isn´t… It'll have to do", she said, and opened the door, leaving a dumbstruck psychologist in her wake.

As she walked towards Booth's office, she was lost in thought, but what broke her daze was the sound of laughter. And she immediately recognized the laughter as Booth's. Those husky, grave undertones were much too known for her. She watched as Hannah was perched on his desk, making funny faces that she could clearly see were little by little easing the tension. A pain like a stab wound crossed her chest, and she actually placed her hand where her heart was beating wildly, and painfully.

"Dr. Brennan?", she recognized the voice as Charlie's, and she instantly put on her poker face, and steeled her spine, hiding her emotions, and turned to face the agent who was Booth's right hand at the Hoover.

She gave him a curt smile, "Hello Charlie, how are you?", he smiled as well and replied, "Very good. It's been a while since I've seen you here", he said.

"Things have been busy at the lab", another laugh broke the air, and they both turned to see Hannah rubbing the top of Booth's nose with her thumb, both laughing at something she was saying.

Charlie tentatively said, "He looks happy. It's been… quite a while since I've seen him laugh like that", a pain deeper than the one she was already feeling stabbed her again, knowing that it had been her behind that sadness.

She only nodded, "I wish she keeps him laughing that way", her chest felt too tight, too constricted, and she knew that if she didn´t leave right away, she wouldn't be able to hide it, and mostly, she would probably burst into tears in the middle of the bullpen, so she sighed, and added, "Charlie, would you be so kind as to let agent Booth know I left already? Tell him he shouldn't worry, that I went home and that I know he's busy, ok? I would truly appreciate it", he nodded.

The truth was that Charlie was surprised. Usually, when she came in, it´s like she owned the place, but now… There was something truly… sorrowful about her, but since they had denied over and over they were involved, he knew it couldn´t be anything related to Booth.

"Sure thing. It´ll be my pleasure", he said.

"Thank you, Charlie. Good night", she replied, and giving the couple, who were now embracing, a last look, she turned on her heels and pressed the call button for the elevator pointedly, giving Charlie the impression that she couldn't leave fast enough, confusing him as to what might be bothering her. But since he had been helping Booth with the evidence from the case, he knew it had been horrific and perhaps she was as tired and torn as all of them were.

She held her tears during the entire ride, counting the seconds until the doors opened and she could go lick her wounds in the sanctity of her apartment.

She took a cab, and even if she wanted to burst into tears, she held them stoically until she got to her place. But by the time she got there, she was so numb, so tired, she was only able to discard her jacket and shoes, throw her keys on the bowl by the door, and without thinking she slid to the floor. It was a relaxation technique she had learned while in the East, and sometimes it helped her regain some sense of self when she was feeling lost.

Since she was lying on top of her thick Indian rug, she was comfortable enough, and she opened her eyes to see the remote for her stereo on the edge of the coffee table. Music helped too, and she decided to turn it on to soothe her senses, to make the silence disappear if just for a little while.

Some songs passed, and she thought she had the tears under control until a song she had never heard came on, the lyrics feeling like a blow to her midsection.

_I have a smile_

_Stretched from ear to ear_

_To see you walking down the road_

_We meet at the lights_

_I stare for a while_

_The world around disappears_

_Just you and me_

_On this island of hope_

_A breath between us could be miles_

_Let me surround you_

_My sea to your shore_

_Let me be the calm you seek_

_Oh and every time I'm close to you_

_There's too much I can't say_

_And you just walk away_

_And I forgot_

_To tell you_

_I love you_

_And the night's_

_Too long_

_And cold here_

_Without you_

_I grieve in my condition_

_For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so_

By this point of the song, she was curled up in a ball, her eyes leaking a steady torrent of hot tears, the words hitting her hard and clear where it mattered the most.

The sight of him had always brought a smile to her face, his goofy antics, his attempts to teach her how to open herself to the world. How many times she would have longed to ask him to teach her how to love, but now, because of her own shortcomings that chance was long gone. Every time they were closed, she ached to tell him how much she was grieving without him, but she had lost the strength to tell him the words that would make him understand that it hadn´t been a lack of love, instead, too much love for him which had led her to reject him. She was constantly cold now, and she knew it was because she no longer had his warm body next to her. So many times, when the nights were cold, they walked in a tight embrace, his arms around her shoulders or hugging her waist as they simply basked in the knowledge that it didn´t matter how wrong the world was, they had each other, how he took his jacket and wrapped her in it despite her protests, and how she hid her delight at being able to catch his scent on her clothes afterwards, but how it was a pitiful replacement for his body close to hers. A warmth that belonged to Hannah now.

_Oh and every time I'm close to you_

_There's too much I can't say_

_And you just walk away_

_And I forgot_

_To tell you_

_I love you_

_And the night's_

_Too long_

_And cold here_

_Without you_

_I grieve in my condition_

_For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so_

When the soft sounds of the song died away, to be replaced by the sad tones of Bach´s prelude to Suite 1, she was already in pain for crying so hard, her sobs echoing everywhere. She didn't know how much time had passed, but song after song came, and the tears just wouldn't stop. She was lucky it was a Friday and she had the weekend ahead of her to recover and come back her usual, composed self on Monday, when no one could figure how broken she truly was.

Those were her thoughts until a soft knock broke her musings. She turned her eyes to the stereo, and in the display she could see it was almost midnight. 11.47p.m. She knew it couldn´t be Angela, since her habits had changed drastically after becoming Mrs. Hodgins. She knew it couldn't be Booth, since he was with Hannah. Her dad was away on a trip with Russ, and she had no one else. So she figured it could be her super.

She arranged her clothing the best she could, but when she stared into the mirror next to her door, she knew hiding her face was inevitable. Her eyes were swollen and red with all the crying, she looked pale and felt clammy, her hair was in disarray. Overall, she looked like someone who had been crying her eyes out, which in truth, she had. Anyway, whoever it was, she would just dismiss them. Anyway, she didn´t care about what people thought of her, and no one could meddle in her personal life, so she figured she would just sent them on their way after dealing with them.

She straightened her pants one last time, and she opened the door, only to find the last person she thought she would ever see that night.

"Booth", her knuckles turned white, but she used every last bit of her strength and with her most resolute voice she only said, "You shouldn´t be here".

**Bit of a cliffy, I know… But I felt like "this is going somewhere"… Wiser words were never said. You know what you have to do… **

**Really, I hate asking for reviews, but I appreciate them greatly, and to all of you who have taken the time to drop me a line, jsboneslover, BelleBones, Kate, SouthunLady, NotAboutNightingales… Thank you… you made me want to go on…**

**BTW, rating might change for the next chappie… it all depends… Just to let you know… **


	5. Will you still love me

**Hey, guys!**

**First of all, thank you for the reviews, and also for the story alerts. I wasn´t sure of continuing, since the response has been kind of… small? (I, in no way, mean that I´m not like SUPERGRATEFUL **_**for those who are sticking with me) **_**But you make my day with your words, and for that, I´m still here.**

**The song for this chappie is "Will you still love me", from Chicago. It´s a classic, and I´ve always loved the lyrics. I had a hard time choosing, but I thought it fit. Again, you´re the judges…**

"_Booth", her knuckles turned white, but she used every last bit of her strength and with her most resolute voice she only said, "You shouldn´t be here"._

Those were her first words to him when she opened the door, and every protective instinct he possessed kicked in full-gear. He didn´t even know why he was here, standing before her door, when he knew he had lost all rights to her when he decidedly gave up on the idea that she could, would finally allow herself to love him, but he couldn´t even start pretending that he could stay away from her, even if he was making a liar and a cheat out of himself.

He had been laughing and fooling around with Hannah until her cell phone had interrupted their playful time together. She had been following a lead on a case and her editor had just called her to let her know it was slipping away. One of the things he loved about her was her professionalism coupled with the way she knew how to lead herself around people. But her seriousness concerned him, and after calming her, they had stepped out of his office. He saw Charlie in the bullpen, and something in his expression told him that he wanted to speak to him, but without Hannah in the picture. So, using his every acting skill, he decided to reassure Hannah he needed to instruct Charlie with some pending things, and she just smiled and told him she would go to the ladies´ room while he dealt with business. He should have felt guilty, but his gut was telling him whatever Charlie had in store for him was important.

After seeing Hannah walk away, he determinedly walked towards Charlie, who pointed to a silent spot in the bullpen. It wasn´t that crowded since people were already starting to leave for the day, and he followed.

"Charlie, what is it?", he asked hurriedly, not wanting Hannah to find out should anything be wrong.

"It´s just… ", Charlie began, "Dr. Brennan told me to tell you that she knew you were… busy", Booth saw Charlie grimace a bit at the word, and frowned as he continued to listen, "And that you shouldn't worry about her, and that she would be taking a cab", Booth's frown deepened.

"Charlie, again, what is it?", Booth asked, his hurry disappearing in face of the concern he was starting to feel at Charlie's hesitation at saying something he sensed Booth didn't want to hear.

"May I… speak freely?", Charlie asked, and Booth nodded, "Dr. Brennan… If there was a word to describe her… It was sad. She looked sad. Booth, I know you're her partner, and that now we can all believe for real that there's nothing more than that between the two of you, since you're with Hannah… But… the way she spoke… I don't know, it didn´t… look like her at all. She's like a force of nature whenever she comes here, and now… Anyway, just wanted to give you the heads up… ", seeing Booth's expression, he hastily added, "Perhaps it was the case, it was awful, for everyone".

Booth sighed deeply, and he let a hand caress his jaw, his concern washing over him, even if he was most definitely trying to move on, he could never shut her out completely. He had cared for her, _loved her, _too long not to give in to his old tendencies. But he immediately schooled his features as he saw Hannah come his way.

He gave Charlie a reassuring smile, knowing how much Charlie cared for him, both as his immediate boss and a esteemed work friend, having just proved it, and replied, "Thanks, man", and trying to deflect his attention from the real possibility that there was something wrong between him and Bones, he added, "Don't worry. I know Bones, and it's probably that she's tired. You're right, this case _was _brutal, and it was the hardest of her, since she was the one to work on the bodies", Booth finished, and saw how the tension left Charlie's shoulders. He knew that Charlie had been on his team, and that deep inside, he had always rooted for him and Brennan. If he only knew…

He had dropped Hannah at her newspaper, and he went home. He watched sports, ate some takeout. But no matter how hard he tried to deny it, the thought of something being wrong with her wouldn't just leave him. It wouldn't leave him sleep.

He had never lied to himself. And he had decided he never would. It was one of the lessons he had learned when dealing with his gambling, and he had learned it the hard way. One of the steps in dealing with an addiction was to look yourself in the mirror, and accept who you were, and how you felt. It helped you see if you were moving forward, or accept the drawbacks when you fell. It was how you moved on, how you became a better person, how you dealt with the ghost of your addiction.

He cared for Hannah. Every day in her presence healed him just a little bit more, but every single time he stared into those bottomless blue eyes, he confirmed a part of him would always be hers, even if she didn't care, even if she hadn't been willing to try.

So, it was with this myriad of thoughts that he had drove to her place. The doorman knew him, so they had just shared polite greeting and he had ridden the way to her place in the elevator.

As he walked the soft carpeted rug that led to her front door, he didn't even know how he was going to approach the subject of him being here, but as he got closer, he could hear the distinct sounds of music playing. He knew it wasn´t something she did regularly, preferring the silence, but there was something that touched him. It was the inherent sadness in the lyrics of every single song, and his eyes widened when he noticed that as he was about to knock on her door, a sound that sounded very much like crying reached his ears.

He shook his head, thinking it was his tired, feverish imagination, but when he stood right beside the door, he couldn't deny it: his Bones was definitely inside, and she was crying like he never thought he would hear. He was so used to the confident, strong personality of his partner than thinking she was breaking down, that she was so hurt she was crying so brokenheartedly with no one to comfort her was more than he could bear, so throwing caution to the wind, he knocked softly.

His sniper-sharp hearing instantly picked up that she had stopped crying, and the music stopped. He could hear her padding towards the door, and stopping for a few moments, he assumed gathering herself. He knew she would never expect it to be him, and even less now that Hannah was in the picture, something that was confirmed when the soft sounds of the doorknob turning were replaced by the gush of wind when she opened the door.

She was in the same clothes he had seen her in at the Hoover, but they were a bit skewed. Her hair was in messy disarray, not the usual sleek style she was favoring since she had returned, but it was her eyes that undid him. They were swollen, bloodshot, and filled with such hurt and loneliness he wanted nothing more than to gather her into his arms until that look was replaced with the sparkle he loved.

But he could see how fast she was building her words as she muttered his name, followed by a _"You shouldn´t be here". _He could see how white her knuckles were as she gripped the door handle, as if holding on to it was giving her the balance she needed to stay upright. He wondered how long had she been crying, but from her face he knew it had been probably hours. It had taken him 2 hours to decide to come here, and it was almost midnight.

She raised an eyebrow, clearly waiting for an explanation for his presence at her doorstep.

"Hey, Bones. I just… wanted to check up on you", he knew it was a bit lame, but he hadn't been able to think of something better.

She sighed heavily, and gripped the door handle even tighter, "At almost midnight? I might not have much insight into human behavior, but I don´t think it´s appropriate anymore for you to drop unannounced, and least of all, at this hour", she said curtly. He didn't hold it against her, he would have probably reacted in the same way, above all when they both knew he could see how she truly was with her tear-streaked face.

"I'm your partner, Bones. I'm just worried about you", he said, and they held each other´s eyes before she lowered them for a second before raising them back again, all the tiredness and pain she felt clearly there for him to see.

"And while I appreciate your partner-like concern for me, things are different now", she said, and breathed in deeply before adding, "I… I don't think Hannah would appreciate it. In fact, I don't think it's the right thing for you to do… I would hate to be the cause behind a fight between the two of you", she stared into his eyes, and leaned on the doorframe, a bit more relaxed but still blocking his way into her place.

"Bones, you can't say that. It will always, always be right for me to be worried about you. And you…", he decided to risk it, "You can't tell me you're ok. I can see you are not ok", she lowered her head a bit, but he had already seen what he needed from her.

She raised her head again, and stared at him for long seconds, those blue eyes scanning him. There was no malice, no hatred behind her words, just ineffable heartbreak when she said, "Even if I'm not, I'm not your problem anymore, Booth. You should go home. I imagine Hannah will be waiting, and…", her eyes pooled with tears, "You shouldn't make her wait. It's… not you at all. I'll… deal with this, in the best way that I can. You have a life, Booth. Go live it", she said, and straightened her body, clearly her words a dismissal of him.

But in a second he knew he couldn't let her shut that door. He had let her do that so many times, and he had to let her know she wasn't alone. It was how she said, not that she would deal with it in the best way she knew, but in the best way she could, and that told him just how wrong things were. And his heart hurt in a way he had forgotten it could.

He grabbed the handle on his side, and shook his head, "Bones, you can't ask me to leave when I know here", even if he was risking her dismissing it, he rubbed his chest over his heart, "You need me. I can't leave you alone like this", he pleaded, and she shook her own head, staring sadly at him.

"You have other responsibilities. You shouldn't bother yourself with me. We… We have made choices, Booth. And… The lives we're leading… are the direct result of those decisions. Even if mine have turned out to be… ", she grimaced, "Anyway, I'm truly happy you're finding your way. I have been alone for more than half of my life, and I know… how to deal with my… issues. Please", she turned those eyes on him, and he was lost, "Don't risk getting into trouble with Hannah, because of me. It´s not worth it", she finished, and he applied a bit more force, and the door gave in a few inches, helping him close the distance between them.

"Bones, don't you get it? You'll always, always be worth it to me. Whatever's wrong… We can fix it", he said, and she scoffed tearfully.

"I don't know, Booth, if fixing it is possible, if… ¨_we¨ _ even exists. Booth, we are no longer the center", that hurt more than his feet being broken, than a hot poker burning into his thigh, "We haven't been partner for very long, and I have already accepted", she sighed so heavily it was like she was having trouble breathing, "It's all my fault, for my fears, my inability to let myself go and trust… ", she pursed her lips, and said, "I can't tell you how much it calms me to know you're indeed moving on, and the only thing I want for you is happiness. And I hope Hannah is giving you the life you deserve", _the one I can't give you, the one I lost the right to give, _she could have added, but she stayed silent, seeing his eyes darken with something she couldn't read.

"Booth, I'm truly tired, and all I want right now is head to my bed and try to rest. I still have my part of the paperwork to fill and it's going to take me a while", she said, her voice soft and tired, "You should go home. Whatever happens, you shouldn't worry. Our work won't be affected", she finished, and moved her body to close the door. "Try and rest. Tell Hannah to give you a massage. The tension you probably accumulated in these days won't be good for your back. Sleep well, Booth", she said, and closed the door, leaving him there. It wasn't rude, but he felt like he hadn't said what he truly had wanted to say., like she had shut him out.

_TAKE ME AS I AM_

_PUT YOUR HAND IN MINE NOW AND FOREVER_

_DARLING HERE I STAND, STAND BEFORE YOU NOW_

_DEEP INSIDE I ALWAYS KNEW_

_IT WAS YOU, YOU AND ME_

_TWO HEARTS DRAWN TOGETHER BOUND BY DESTINY_

_IT WAS YOU AND YOU FOR ME_

_EVERY ROAD LEADS TO YOUR DOOR_

_EVERY STEP I TAKE FOREVER MORE_

He felt a wave of anger wash over him. Why was she always the one to make the choices in this… relationship they had? The first night, the night that wasn't, she made the call on them not sleeping together. She was the one to stage the mistletoe kiss, shattering the calm he had thought he found around her. Then she flaunted every single conquest in front of him, and when he decided to risk it all, she dismissed him.

He had had enough, he wouldn't continue to be the passive one. Her assertion that he was an alpha-male was about to be proven.

A minute or two had passed, and he knocked forcefully on her door. More like banged, but he wasn't about to care if he was polite. She would hear him. At last she would have to listen to him.

Some seconds passed before he felt her padding to the door, and he could see the surprise in her eyes as she saw it was him still, and her eyes widened even further when he walked forcefully pass her, and into her living room, his lungs filled with the scent he had missed so much, a scent that had been part of his dreams for very long.

"Booth, what…", he raised a hand, and his tensed posture was enough to halt her into silence.

"I came to say some things, Bones, and for once, you're going to listen to me", he said, and he could see the tension creeping in her body, how her own posture stiffened at his tone, but more, at his words.

She raised her chin, but it lacked her usual defiance, though he knew it was an attempt to regain her own self around him, "Then, speak, since it prompted you to barge into my place at midnight".

He sighed heavily, and before he knew it, the words had left his mouth, angry and filled with unmistakable pain, "Why are you shutting me out, Temperance?", he said, and she knew he meant business. Bones had become a term of endearment to them both, and him resorting to her given name meant he wasn't kidding around.

She just scoffed and shook her head, "_I'm shutting YOU out?", _she stared at him, "I wasn't the one that returned from the other side of the world with a little surprise, was I?", she said, and his posture stiffened even more.

"And what right do you have to question if I want someone in my life? I have a right to feel lonely, and Hannah happens to be an amazing woman, and she wants to be with me. I have a right to have someone want me", he said, his anger masking the pain he had carried ever since that night at the Hoover.

His words stung deeply, but if he wanted the truth, he would get it. "I'm not questioning your right to move on, Booth. You made it more than clear that you would find someone to move on with. But sorry if, at the risk of sounding very much like me, I have to say I have no idea why you're asking me these questions. If you're so pleased with your life, I see no reason for you to be here, instead of being… ", he could see her swallow, hard, "with her, in your apartment, in… _your bed", _she said.

"Because I fucking care, all right? Because when Charlie told me you didn't seem the same, that you didn't seem right when you left, I felt something here", he thumped his chest again as he nearly shouted, "And it hurt to think that I still have the heart to care about you", he replied, "Even if all you do is stomp over it, time and time again".

She heard the sadness in that last part, and her eyes brimmed with tears, "I just want to make something clear. You can't accuse me of not caring for you, Booth. My actions, or my decisions might have led you to think I don't, but you have been the most important person in my life ever since you became my partner", her voice was coming out broken, but she didn't mind. She was way past caring what he thought about her. If he was moving on, he would do so with all the facts.

"I won't have you leave tonight thinking I never cared, Booth. You were my only family. You were the shoulder I rested my head upon when the world came crashing down on me", her tears started to fall down her already blotched face, and through her eyes she could see his eyes start to fill with his own tears, "Until I came into my life, I didn't know how to trust someone. I have trusted you with my life. But I…", she wiped at her damp cheeks, and she didn't even notice, "I can't hold you back, Booth. I don't know how to love. It was… taken from me. I think you deserve my honesty, along with my pride. If you wanted to see me broken, you won", she said, her arms lying by her side, "I _am _broken. I'm your friend, and I want your happiness. And I know Hannah can make you happy in ways I don't even know how. I wouldn't even know how to live with myself knowing there are things I could never, ever give you".

He swallowed, "What makes you think that?", he said huskily, taking another unnoticed step closer to her. He was glad her distress was so obvious she didn't register the fact that he was closing the distance between them.

"I'm afraid, Booth. I'm afraid, because ever since that night", and she didn't even have to reference which night, since they painfully knew what she was talking about, "I've felt like I'm losing you. I'm afraid", she squeezed her eyes, and she gasped because when she opened them, he was right in front of her, not enough to feel his heat, but enough for him to reach out to her.

"Why?", he said, very much in the same desperate way he had spoken to her in front of the Hoover, "Why, Temperance? Tell me why. I beg you", he pleaded, and she started sobbing.

"You truly want to know why I´m shutting you out, Booth? You want to know why I left?", she stared into his eyes, pooling with tears, "Because I don't know how to be myself without you anymore. I don't know how to love, but when I left, the only reason I was able to sleep was pure exhaustion, because I couldn´t, couldn't", she said, her sobs controlled, but her voice broken, "Sleep thinking you were in danger. I asked myself if you hated me, if you felt I had made you lose your time. You gave me everything, and I felt like I only took, and took, and gave nothing back to you. I only…", she covered her face with her hands, "I only wanted your happiness", she said through them, "And I don't know if I could ever be what you needed", she sobbed even more, and she was startled as she felt warm, strong hands covering her biceps softly, but determinedly.

"Temperance… Bones", he started, "I never asked you to change who you were. I… The way you are is perfect to me", he said, but he was interrupted by her humorless laugh.

"But you did ask me to change, Booth. When I told you I was a scientist, and that I didn´t know how to change, you only said that then you needed to move on. If you knew me…", her voice trembled, "You would have known I was terrified of losing you, and I did. I did lose you Booth", she gave him that look that never failed to turn his heart into a quivering mass of melted flesh, "Andrew… he saw I wasn't ready to let him in, but you immediately opened to Catherine. And it hurt. I felt I was losing my best friend. I had to know I was risking the most important relationship of my life for the right reasons, but all I had were… ", she shook her head sadly, and sniffled.

"How can you tell me you didn't know why you were risking our friendship, our partnership for, Bones? You know how I feel", she shook her head stubbornly, and his grip on her arms kept her from backing away like she was itching to.

"I don't. You told me you believed we could give it a shot, that you knew. But I never knew what you had so clear in your head, in your heart, in your mind", she replied, her chest heaving with the tears and pain, "You know I don't understand you sometimes, and that night… I might have assumed you find me attractive, you did at the beginning, and you became my friend, so I know you care, but those weren´t reasons for me to risk what we had", she said brokenly.

Suddenly, a light bulb came in his head. He replayed that conversation, and he could have beaten himself to death. She was right. He had committed one unforgivable mistake, a mistake that had cost them a year apart, and both their hearts being broken.

"Temperance", he said, releasing one of her arms and tilted her chin so their eyes met, and she could see the depth of his feelings, "Don't you know I love you more than my life?"

_JUST SAY YOU'LL LOVE ME FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE_

_I GOTTA LOT OF LOVE AND I DON'T WANT TO LET GO_

_WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?_

_CAUSE I CAN'T GO ON_

_NO, I CAN'T GO ON_

_I CAN'T GO ON_

_IF IM ON MY OWN_

"What?", she squeaked out as he stared at her face like he was seeing her for the first time, "That´s not true. You´re with Hannah. You´re not a cheater. And… ", her following words just about broke his heart, "What is there, what was there for you to love?"

She gasped loudly as he surprised her when, with sharp reflexes and moves of a wild cat, he scooped her in his arms, and sat her on the counter of her kitchen, a surprised yelp leaving her lips as her buttocks came in contact with the cold marble.

"You don´t get it, do you, Temperance? I guess then I´ll have to explain it to you", he said as he tucked the wild strands of her hair behind her ears, so that he could stare into her face without obstructions, and she could see him as well.

TAKE ME AS I AM

PUT YOUR HEART IN MINE, STAY WITH ME FOREVER

CAUSE I AM JUST A MAN WHO NEVER UNDERSTOOD

I NEVER HAD A THING TO PROVE

TILL THERE WAS YOU

YOU AND ME

THEN IT ALL CAME CLEAR SO SUDDENLY

HOW CLOSE TO YOU THAT I WANNA BE

"Tessa, Rebecca, Cam… all the women in between… Catherine, Hannah…", he shook his head, and surprised her as he framed her face with his hands, keeping their eyes locked, "That night, under the rain, I told you I felt like we were going somewhere. My gut has saved my life more times than I care count, it never led me stray. And until now, it never has. The moment I saw you on that podium, the moment we shook hands, I knew I was changed. For good. I stopped gambling, because of YOU", her eyes widened, and filled with more tears at that piece of information, "You made me want to be a better man, for you. I wanted you to look at me and think, "_Hey, I might want to spend my life with this man". _I knew that behind your apparent coldness, your science and facts, there was a heart beating. And I cherished every time you showed it to me. Because I knew it was a privilege", he said, "I was in awe of you. You think there was nothing to love. I wish it had only been your body, which I have longed to touch ever since I saw you. I wish it had only been your lips, because I still can remember how they taste", he brushed the steady torrent of tears dampening her face, "I wish", he groaned now, "It was only your eyes, which have haunted me ever since I dreamed how it would feel like to watch myself into them", he pressed his forehead against hers, "knowing a mirror wouldn't stare so deeply into my soul. It wasn't your skin, which feels perfect under my fingers", he said, adding a caress of his thumbs to her jaw line, "It was you. I could see you. I saw the scared little girl your parents left behind, aching to be loved. I saw the fierce woman who fought for justice, for truth as strongly as I did. I saw the woman you hid behind your science, your squinty talk, your taunts about sex with other people", this brought a tearful chuckle from her, "which I didn't appreciate, if I might say. It was how much I wanted to show you you deserved to be loved, not used, not for pleasure. It was how I wanted to hold you in my arms, to make love to you, to show you that when you feel for someone what I feel for you, physics can be broken. It was to show you you could dream of happiness and get it, because I would, I could give it to you. It was to show you it was ok to open your heart, because I would never leave you. Temperance, my Bones, how can you think I stopped loving you?", he said, and he pressed the most loving, tender kiss against the skin of her forehead, "All I was begging you was to try and fight. I thought you didn't feel that way. All I wanted was for you to love me, and let me love you", he said against her skin, "All I wanted was for you to give me your fears so I could chase them away".

_JUST SAY YOU'LL LOVE ME FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE_

_I GOTTA LOT OF LOVE AND I DON'T WANT TO LET GO_

_WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?_

'_CAUSE I CAN'T GO ON_

_NO, I CAN'T GO ON_

_I CAN'T GO ON_

_IF I'M ON MY OWN_

"You're with Hannah, Booth", she said, trying to shake her head in the strong hold he had on her face, "And I've seen how happy she makes you. I don't, I can't take that away from you. She could love you more than I could. She knows how to love", she said, and he stepped between her partially open legs, and he moved one of his hands to the nape of her neck as the other traveled to his spot on the small of her back, hating that she seemed more fragile, that she had lost weight, probably because she hadn´t had him there to take care of her, cradling her head to the spot where his neck and shoulder met, like she was made to be there, the positions more fitting of lovers than of friends.

"Just answer me something, Temperance. Do you trust me still?", he asked, and he braced himself for the answer.

In the 2 seconds that followed he felt her stiffen for a bit before she relaxed completely in his embrace, and against the skin exposed by the undone buttons of his black dress shirt, she muttered, "Not still, Booth. Always".

_DO YOU BELIEVE A LOVE COULD RUN SO STRONG?_

_DO YOU BELIEVE A LOVE COULD PASS YOU BY?_

_THERE WAS NO SPECIAL ONE FOR ME_

_I WAS THE LOVELY ONE, YOU SEE_

_BUT THEN MY HEART LOST ALL CONTROL_

_NOW YOU'RE ALL THAT I KNOW_

"Then let me touch you. Let me show you what I see in you", he said, kissing her damp, clammy skin, "I don't, I have never wanted you to change. I just want to give you everything, to make you see that if you trust me enough to open your heart, I will give my life to make you happy. That night I screwed up, and I just realized it because I see that I only stroked your insecurities. Baby, I… ", he didn't even mind that he had let the term slip from his lips, "I thought you didn't trust me enough to open yourself to me, and please", he squeezed her body against his even tighter, her open legs cradling his hips, but there was nothing sexual about the embrace, it was only love, "forgive me, because I know I was too much of a coward, I was so busy protecting my heart I didn´t even see you were begging me to show you, like you have with everything else", he said, and his hands instantly started moving soothingly over her body.

"Booth, I don't know if I can promise you the 30, 40 years you want", she said brokenly, and he pressed another tender kiss against her as he replied.

"Do you trust me enough to teach you?", he waited for her answer, "You know how to love. You know how to care. This proves it to me. You´re not cold, or unfeeling. And knowing you have stepped to the side, and away from me, shows me you´re far from selfish. Baby, let me show you how happy you can be. Let me love you for the rest of our lives", he pleaded.

_JUST SAY YOU'LL LOVE ME FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE_

_I GOTTA LOT OF LOVE AND I DON'T WANT TO LET GO_

_WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?_

'_CAUSE I CANT GO ON_

_NO, I CANT GO ON_

_I CANT GO ON_

_IF IM ON MY OWN_

_I CANT GO ON_

_NO, I CAN'T GO ON_

'_CAUSE I CAN´T GO ON_

_(WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME)_

_NO I CAN´T GO ON_

_(JUST SAY YOU´LL LOVE ME_

_STAY AROUND)_

_WITHOUT SOMEBODY_

_I CAN´T GO ON_

_CAUSE I CAN´T GO ON…_

"Booth, I…", she raised her head and framed his face, his eyes filled with love and hope, all the silence, all the coldness towards her gone to be replaced only with warmth, "I want to", she said, her voice uncharacteristically small, "But… I can´t be with you… until you know if you truly want me", she placed her fingers against his lips, which he started to kiss, effectively halting his words, "There was a reason you were drawn to Hannah, and you need to figure out why. You need to figure out if you had given up on me, or if your feelings run deeper. You´re right. We can´t start something without opening ourselves fully. It was never, ever a matter of not wanting you, because I have never wanted a man more than I want you. And I don´t mean just sexually, even if it was what drew me to you at first. It was everything about you, Booth. You're the most important part of my life. But I need you to sort your life, your feelings. I don't want to barge into your life and disrupt everything again. If you think clearly, and you decided you still want this", she led one of his hands to her chest, "If you still want to bother trying with me, I promise you, I´ll be here, waiting. And I", she sighed, "Even if I don´t have the frame of reference to know if this is love, I don´t see it waning, or going away. So take your time, after all, you waited for me. It´s only fair I do the waiting now", she said, and repeated his action, making him bend his head a bit to press a loving kiss against his forehead.

And then she moved her lips to his ear, and whispered, like a caress, "I promise you, I won´t run from this anymore. You became my world, Booth. And no matter what happens, I´ll thank you for showing me I could be more than I was".

He squeezed her body tighter, knowing she was right. He needed to sort his feelings out. He had been happy with Hannah, and he did have deep feelings for her. She was anticipating the confusion he would feel with his past and present colliding, and she didn't want to interfere. She wanted him to come to her, with an open heart, willing to work, hand by hand.

"I don't want to leave you", he whispered back.

"We both know you have to. I won´t stand in the way of your happiness, and everyone has seen it. Hannah IS amazing, and she has given you something. You need time to know if I´m still what you envision in your future, and if you do, you need to come with a clean slate, so you feel you're not betraying yourself, or anyone for that matter", both knowing she was referring to him despising himself if he ever thought he had cheated on Hannah. "And whatever happens, happens", she said, and he nodded.

"It hurts to go, Bones. Everything you just said… I´ve wanted to hear it for so long", he said, and they finally straightened their bodies so their eyes locked.

"I know. And I will forever be sorry it took me so long to sort myself out, and for the pain it brought us both", he could see the sincerity in her eyes, and he caressed a strand of hair caressing her face.

"I'm not. I have always known I couldn't rush you. And that's all I want to do now", he said, and she caressed his jaw.

"But we know you won´t", she stated, and he nodded, smiling tiredly.

"Yeah, we both know I won't", he said, and they embraced, until their arms went numb. They didn't kiss, because it would have been wrong, and even unfair. But as he groaned when he extricated himself from her arms, like he was leaving something behind, there was a new promise if his heart, her heart and their realities finally found the timing that had always eluded them.

Until now.

**I´m hiding already, and perhaps not what you expected, but rushing seemed too OOC to me. I know this ending is kind of open… It´s up to you if you want me to continue and lead them where we all want to see them… Did I make sense? (hehehe)**

**Anyway, please drop me a line to tell me if this is worth going on, or if you want me to stop… Musie will be thankful… And she´s a very grateful musie when stroked properly… (hihi)**

**Kidding. Your opinions and comments will be much appreciated. And I´m sorry for any mistakes. I wrote this non-stop and practically no rereading, so it´s all my fault! **


	6. Can't stay away from you

_**Hey, guys!**_

_**Thank you again, and again, and again, to the wonderful reviewers, and to all who added this story to their alerts. You're kind, and you push me to write.**_

_**Sorry for taking so long in updating, but a bad, bad case of the migraine and my sister´s b-day along with our country´s Valentine´s day got in the middle.**_

_**But here it is. As usual, I don't own Bones because I certainly would handle thins waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay differently (hihihi)**_

_**Anyway, this song is "Can´t stay away from you", from Gloria Stefan. Sad, sad song. And it leans a bit more towards Hannah´s feelings, though things can also be seen from Booth´s point of view.**_

_**I only hope this lives up to your expectations. **_

He knew they had to talk, and it wasn't like him to avoid a conversation, and even less, one as important as the one he knew they needed to have.

But it was breaking his heart. 10 long days without any word from his Bones, and he knew she was being truthful to her word, giving him both the time and the space he needed to solve the mess that was his life.

She had said some things he couldn´t deny: before they could be a "them", he had to sort out his feelings, and one of the things that hurt him the most was knowing that she was aware of just how important Hannah was to him. It hurt him because he loved her, and knowing she was hurt felt like a stab wound, mostly because he had promised himself he would always take care of her. But Hanna had been there for him at a moment when he had lost of all hope, and she had worked hard to help him regain the sense of self he had lost the moment he left DC.

His heart had been badly broken, and patiently, she had helped him mend it, even if it still didn't resemble what it could have been if _she had _accepted the challenge of letting him open the doors to her heart that fateful night. But 10 days ago his world had changed, yet again, and he didn't know what to do. He felt torn between what he had desired and the promise of a future with a woman who meant peace, tranquility.

Deep inside of him was the knowledge that a life without his Bones now that she was willing to open her life and her heart to him was not a possibility he could endure without feeling he was walking through life with half of his soul missing. But it had never been in his nature to hurt someone, and least, hurting someone who had been there for him when he had been in dire straits, someone who had understood his demons, and accepted them, even if he had never disclosed them fully. There was only one women who could do that, and it was the woman that was waiting for his choice, whatever it might be. He might love his Bones, but he had always known being with her would be no picnic, and still he wouldn't change her for the world.

Hannah stared at him, perched against the wall of the hallway leading to his room. She was worried about him. His silent demeanor was so different from his usual self, she knew something was bugging him. When she met him, despite his imposing posture and alpha-male status among his men, she read deep sadness into those chocolate brown eyes.

At first, she assumed his sadness was because of all the horrors he must have seen, but after a few exchanges, she saw it wasn't because of the war. She could see he was nursing a broken heart, and he was doing his best to move on.

The first time they truly spoke took place by sunset, while he was sitting in chair outside his tent, staring at a picture of his son. She commented, "_cute boy, is he yours?", _and he had nodded, unable to hide his smile at the thought of the little man. She sat next to him, and silently offered him a can of soda. She said she hadn't left anybody behind, and when she asked about his family, something dark and incredibly painful crossed his warm eyes. He said just his son, and his friends and coworkers. She discreetly took a glance at his hands, and saw there was no wedding ring there, or traces of ever being there, so that gave her the courage she needed to be as "unnoticeably flirty" as possible.

The truth was that the moment she saw him in only his fatigue pants and a brown muscle shirts, her dreams had definitely taken a naughtier turn. But something stopped her from rushing him, because she could see he still wasn't ready to deal with a new relationship.

But patience and a honest offer of friendship sealed the deal, and 2 months before he was set to return they kissed. For her it was magic, and she vowed she would do everything to heal him so they could become a "them". He was unusually tight-lipped about the reason he seemed so broken, and all she could get from him was that there had been someone he had loved deeply, and that she had turned him down even before they started a path towards something more. He hadn't given her names or who she was, or what she did, the only thing she knew is that that woman had meant the world to the man she was currently staring at.

And she had made it her personal mission to make him trust he could be happy again, that he could find love and tenderness again. Little by little, she saw how the shadow clouding his eyes started fading, and even if it was not completely gone, she could see he was opening his heart to her.

She had been deeply afraid of their return to DC, knowing that the moment he stepped foot, he probably would have to deal all the ghosts he had left lurking in his life. One thing that confused her was his reactions to his partner. Hannah was very sure of herself, but she couldn't deny Dr. Temperance Brennan was one beautiful woman. But more than her appeal, what concerned her was how out of sorts Seeley seemed around her. It was a paradox: there was a glint of joy whenever she was near, one she assumed was due to the friendship and partnership they claimed they were the center of, but at the same time, there was a shadow of longing and sadness she couldn't comprehend. She even dared ask Cam, who she had realized was his best female friend apart from his partner, if they had a romantic history. Cam had hesitated, but she claimed they had never gone beyond the borders of an amazing partnership and an incredibly tight friendship, a bond no one had been able to break. They had stayed together through everything, and thus it was only normal if people assumed they had something else going on. Cam's words had soothed Hannah, and his actions spoke for him.

But 10 days ago he seemed different. Not cold, but like there was something heavy lurking in the deep recesses of his mind. She gently prodded to see what she could get, but all she got were reassurances he was ok, and that the workload was heavy. But she could see in his eyes he was thinking very hard about something. All she hoped was that it wasn´t her.

With that thought in mind, she walked over to him.

"What are you thinking about so hard?", he felt a small pair of arms embrace him from behind, rubbing his chest lightly, and he smiled softly, yet hesitantly. Something shifted inside of him, and he braced himself. He couldn't keep lying. Enough was enough.

_Time flies when you're having fun _

_I heard somebody say _

_But, if all I've been is fun _

_Then, baby, let me go; don't wanna be in your way _

"A lot on my mind, I guess", he said, and he felt her place her head between his shoulder blades tenderly.

"Seeley, I´ve noticed you have been… I don´t mean to sound like the unsecure, clingy girlfriend and all, but… You've been kind of distant these past few days, and I can tell you're worried about something. Please, baby, if we want to make this work, we have to tell each other what we're feeling, sharing it so it doesn't become a burden", her gentle words tug at his heart, he didn't want to speak his doubts, but she was right. The moment they got together, one of their agreements was sharing everything they were feeling, particularly after he told her one of the reasons he had accepted his assignment was because basically his heart was torn to shreds. He knew she wanted the complete story, but he was so hurt at the moment, all he said that it wasn't meant to be, and that he was resigning himself to the fact before returning home.

He sighed, and turned, her arms still around him, and he bent his head to kiss her hair, closing his eyes, hating that even if her scent soothed him, there was another he would always be yearning for.

He silently led her to the couch, and after they sat down, and he bent his body to face her fully, he could see the expectant look on her face. They both knew they had reached the moment of full disclosure, and he thought she deserved to know the complete truth.

"Hannah, you know how I was when we first met, right?", she nodded, and replied, "You were so sad, so… it was like you had lost hope", he nodded back, and rubbed his jaw, trying to find the words that would explain the whole mess he had made of everything.

"I want you to know what happened, I want you to know why I was… the way I was", she just stared at him, and said, "Seeley, if you don't want to, it's ok. I don't mean to pressure you", and he knew it wasn't just words, he knew she meant them.

"No, Hannah. I owe it to you. You deserve to know", she looked a bit uncertain, but she nodded anyway.

"When we first met, yes, I was brokenhearted. I had given up. You… you came into my life when I needed hope badly, when I… You gave me joy at a moment when I thought I would spend my life in pain, and for that I'm thankful", he smiled softly at her, and she cupped his jaw tenderly, but then his eyes got dark, and he found the courage he needed to speak.

_And I don't wanna be your second choice _

_Don't wanna be just your friend _

_You keep telling me that you're not in love _

_You wanna throw it all away _

"I fell in love with someone, an amazing woman really. Beautiful, smart to a fault, socially awkward, workaholic as I am… I met her 7 years ago, and the first time we met what could have been turned… definitely sour. She hated me, and I sort of… hated her, even if that didn't mean we weren't attracted to each other- Anyway, we met again, and at that moment, we began truly, truly getting to know each other, and I… I fell irrevocably in love with her. I didn't even know when it happened, I just knew it when I realized that I would gladly live my live for her", Hannah squeezed his hand, and there was so much trust in her emerald eyes he felt like the worst living piece of scum.

"I never talked about my feelings, or let her see how I truly felt about her, because I knew she wasn't ready for me, for us. She would run in fear, and I knew in my heart she needed time to deal with her feelings, to open herself to the idea of… loving me the way I loved her", he sighed, "But I had hope. I hoped one day she would see how great, how amazing we could be together, and as long as I had that hope, I… I could wait. Even if it broke my heart seeing her with other men, men who didn't truly appreciate just how incredible she was", Hannah nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"But… One night, more than a year ago, I decided to risk it, to lay everything on the line, because I felt, deep inside, it was time to stop pretending. It was like having an elephant in the room, you know?", Hannah nodded again, showing him she understood, "But my gamble turned out to be what broke us. I told her I believed in us, in what we could be, but she told me she couldn't change, not even for me. She was terrified, and what cut me the deepest was feeling that what she might have felt for me wasn't strong enough to override her fear. You see, she… she was abandoned when she was just a teenager, and she had the hardest life ever. She had no one to take care of her, to… to be there for her, and she faced some pretty nasty things, on her own, without no one to comfort her or let her know she deserved love. She became cold, distant… But I could see past the façade and through the woman craving for love. I thought I wasn't good enough for her to change, or so I believed was the truth. I… I just realized I screwed up majorly".

"Seeley, it's ok, baby. I understand that if you were so invested in that relationship, it would have to hurt for her to dismiss you, though I can't see how she would be able to turn you down, you're… very hard to resist", she said, and he couldn't help but smile at her flattery, even if he was preparing to break her heart when she learned the full truth.

"Thank you, but you see, she's not like that. She doesn't let herself be surprised by what most people would consider impressive. Anyway, when I met you, you began healing me. You began healing a part of me that was yearning for someone to make me believe I could be loved, that I wasn't paying for past sins, and that I could… I could find happiness", she smiled broadly at his words, but he knew the smile would be short-lived.

"Hannah, I can't lie to you. You deserve more from me", she nodded expectantly, "I returned to DC bracing myself for facing my past, I know you know this, but you gave me the strength I needed to be able to face my old self without fear. And I feel so much for you, I truly do, but I think we've both known, from the time we decided we wanted to give this a go, that I wasn't whole, that a part of me was missing, and that I… I wouldn't be getting it back. And now… I'm facing the real possibility that she… she would want to give that _us_ a chance", he could see Hannah's eyes widening in surprise and confusion.

"But Seeley, after how she hurt you, and dismissed you, I thought…", she trailed off, clearly hurt and confused, "I thought you were trying to move on, that you were starting to move on, with me", she said softly, and he clasped both her hands in his large ones.

_But I can't stay away from you _

_I don't wanna let you go _

_And, though it's killing me-that's true _

_There's just some things I can't control _

_Your love is slipping through my hands _

_And, though I've heard it all before _

_I know you're telling me the truth _

_I know it's just no use _

_But I can't stay away from you _

"I know, and I never, ever lead you on. All the time we've had together, everything I've said, I've meant it. You are so important to me, Hannah, so…", he said, and he could see her blink back tears.

"But you love her more, don't you?", she said bitterly, and he swallowed hard. Seeing her so sad broke his heart even more, but he knew he had to let it all out.

"It's more like I've loved her for so long and I had stopped believing, but suddenly I see there's this huge window opening for me", he replied.

"So I was just convenient?", she said brokenly, and he shook his head, and held her to his side kissing her hair.

"No, and please, don´t ever think that. I… I care for you in ways I never thought I could. You have a place in my heart that's only yours, not because of what you did for me, but for who you are. But I…", suddenly his feelings and his choice became clear to him, and the realization of what he had to do hit him hard in the chest, "Hannah, I can't spend my whole life wondering… Wondering what could have been. I don't think you deserve that, a man who's not completely free to give himself to you. I can´t let my wounded pride get in the way of what I could find if we both put our hands to it".

"So, now she realized she wants you and you drop everything for her? How can you be so certain you're risking it everything for someone who perhaps won't know how to make you happy?", Hannah sniffled, and he could see the truth behind her reasoning.

"Because I now understand why she turned me down, and the pain she went through herself. I'm the gambler, Hannah, and gambling is hoping your hand is better than the one of the man across you. I know it seems stupid, since I already lost, but… my heart will never be whole if I don't at least try. Yes, she might hurt me. You", he said staring into teary emerald eyes, "You would be a sure bet, I know it. You are the embodiment of everything that I would need to spend the rest of my life being a happy man", he said.

"But it's not enough, is it?", she asked, her voice broken by the sobs she was clearly holding in.

"It's not that it's not enough. It's that I think you deserve a man who is giving you his everything, and if I don´t try, I'll never know", he replied. "I don't want to poison your mind, I don't want you thinking that when I'm making love to you, there's someone else on my mind, that I'm not giving you all I am".

"But… if you know I'm the obvious choice, Seeley, why are you doing this to you, to me?", she asked, and he could see she didn't want to let go of him, and it hurt him, because he already knew she had invested herself fully in this relationship, not like him, who had held a little something back, and that little something was like a candle which refused to completely burn out.

_Hold on to ev'ry bit of hope _

_That's all I ever do _

_Hoping you might change your mind _

_And call me up to say how much you need me, too _

_And, though you're leaving me no other choice _

_Than to turn and walk away _

_Look over your shoulder-I'll be there _

_You can count on me to stay _

_'Cause I can't stay away from you _

"Because there was a moment in my life when I didn't see myself without her. She still pushes me to become a better version of myself, and I don't think I can spend my life knowing three people are miserable because I was too afraid to risk it. Yes, I know I might be setting myself for some huge heartbreak, AGAIN, and that I'm letting an amazing, beautiful, living woman slip from my fingers, but Hannah", he sighed, and felt her tremble, and felt like the world's greatest bastard, for her pain, "You saw how I was, and if that doesn't tell you the power this feeling still has over me, I don't know what could. I… I'll never be whole because she stole a piece of me I can never get back, parts of me I can only have when I'm with her, and I miss… I miss that. I'm not able to give up the dreams I once had now that…", he swallowed.

Hannah straightened her body up, and she brought her hands to her face, wiping the tears away. "She must be some woman if even if you know what we could have, you're willing to give it up for her", she said, and he nodded.

"Yeah, she is. She deserves this, and the thing is… She was just as resigned to the fact that she had lost me until we… we spoke and for the first time, we opened our hearts to each other", he could see Hannah's eyes widening.

"It's not… Seeley… It's not… Dr. Brennan?", she not only looked surprised, but kind of horrified, "But she's so… awkward, so… how could you fall in love with her? You two don't get each other", Hannah said.

"Yes, she's awkward, she seems cold, as cold as her lab, but underneath all those layers, there's a heart I've loved for God knows how long, and I… All I hoped was to see myself through her eyes once, and I know you don't understand, but those who have known her long enough can tell you how… how truly wonderful she is", he finished, seeing Hannah stand.

"I still don't get it. I don't think I ever will. I thank you for being honest with me, even if this is killing me, but I… I know this wasn't a game to you, but I think I always put a bit more of myself. I… I love you, Seeley, and the sad thing is that I was starting to see a future with you. But I can see", she said, tears running through her face as she stood from the couch, "that you don't see it with me, and that you got the shot you were waiting for. I highly doubt it, but I only hope she makes you happy, that she knows what you´re risking, for her", a tiny part of her hoped that these words were the seeds of doubt to make him take a step back. She was truly in love, and she didn´t want to let go of him, but the moment the words left her lips, she could see something shift inside him, and he stood, facing her.

"I know you're the logical choice, but let's say that in this matter I'm willing to risk a lifetime of irrationality. She doubts herself, she doubts her ability to love, and despite how much she was torn me apart, I wouldn't change a hair on her head. Not one, because that's how I fell for her, seeing her for who she truly was, no masks on. She also knows you would be better for me, but loving someone is being able to risk certainty for the craziness you know will make you happy the rest of your life. She does make me crazy, and we will probably want to kill each other more than once, but… she's also risking something. She's risking her whole self, and years of pain and fear, for me. And yes, you were never a game to me, or convenient. I truly believed in what we could be, but now you would be loving a shadow of myself, not the complete me. And you deserve more. I deserve more", he finished.

"Anyway", she replied dejectedly to his words, knowing she had definitely lost him, or even better, never truly had him, "I hope you don't regret your choice, and that it's worth it".

"She will always be worth it. And so are you. You would start wanting pieces of me I could never give", she nodded tearfully, and spun on her heels towards the room, the silent agreement that she would leave hanging in the air.

He sat down on the couch, hearing her pace in the room, probably putting away the things she had at his place. They hadn´t moved in together yet, but she had a considerable amount of stuff she would have to take with her. He could hear her sob softly as she put everything in her travel bags, and it broke his heart knowing she was hurt because of him, but he knew this was right thing to do. He could never be with her if his heart, his body, his mind were yearning for the touch of the woman he had loved for so long.

_I don't wanna let you go _

_And, though it's killing me-that's true _

_There's just some things I can't control _

_Your love is slipping through my hands _

_And, though I've heard it all before _

_I know you're telling me the truth _

_I know it's just no use _

_But I can't stay away from you_

And Hannah had made him see how much he was risking, but for once, being the gambler wasn't as scary as he thought. In fact, it was the first time that his heart was at complete calm, because something deep inside told him that despite appearances, the outcome could be everything he had been hoping for.

As she reemerged from his room, the 2 small travel bags she took everywhere with her, and her tear-streaked face, he wanted to take it all back, but he had told her the truth. They all deserved more.

She just stared at him, and said, "I hope she makes herself worthy of you, Seeley. I know you don't want me to feel like I'm your backup plan if things with her don't work, but know that I'll be there for you, and maybe if things don't work… Perhaps we might find each other again", she said as she moved towards the door. Her car was downstairs, so they didn't have to wait for her to call a cab or for him to do the gentlemanly thing and take her to her place.

He just stood in front of her, bent his head, and kissed her temple, "You gave me hope, and I'm so sorry I couldn't give you more than this, but we needed to face the truth. Maybe it's killing us right now, but at the end, it'll all be worth it", he finished, and she let go of her bags to hug him tightly, saving this memory tightly in her mind.

"I do hope so. Be happy, Seeley", she said, and with a quick, chaste lips to his lips, she bent, took her bags, and practically ran out of his apartment, her sobs echoing. He softly closed the door, and closed his eyes as he leaned against it, but there was a sense of relief in the silence.

And for the first time, there were no ghosts. Only hope.

**Whether you liked it or hated it, please, pretty please, drop me a line. I wasn't truly sure about this chappie, but I didn't want to leave you hanging anymore. So please, make musie happy and tell me what you thought.**


	7. I need you

**Ok, after last night's epi, my heart is officially broken! I only hope the writers fix this, like PRONTO! I hope they take pity on us, but past evidence says they love to make us suffer, so all we have is our little universe, where we make everything perfect.**

**So from here, I´ll start deviating from canon and start hoping!**

**Anyway, thank you for those who continue to stick with me, and I promise I'll deliver the much needed fluff to ease our aching hearts!**

**So, that being said…**

**Again, I own absolutely nothing, Bones is totally Fox´s and HH and Stephen Nathan…**

**The song is "I need you", by Leanne Rimes. Beautiful song, and an even more beautiful declaration of love (I know, sappy romantic )**

She knew they were avoiding each other. It was no question why. They both knew she was waiting for him to reach a decision. But being on the other side, seeing how it felt like to wait, to see him with somebody else stung like a needle to the heart.

She was in pain, and even if Angela had remained blissfully silent, she knew her best friend had seen through her and knew something was wrong. But what Angela didn't know was that she had cried herself to sleep every single night since she and Booth opened up to each other. Imagining him making love to someone who wasn't her was the single most painful thought her mind could come up with, but above all, was the bone-chilling fear that he might not want her back after all, that after realizing that Hannah was the better choice, the logical choice, he would dismiss her and truly move on.

She wouldn't blame him. Hannah was indeed the better choice. But if there was something their time apart had shown her was that love wasn't about logic, but about taking a leap of faith, even if faith was something she just started believing existed after she met him.

There hadn't been a case to bring them together, and she was sad and confused about it. She knew they both needed to take a step back, but she missed him too much. Now that they were back, she was finally ready to accept that the sight of him made her days brighten, even if now there was the added bittersweet taste of knowing he wasn't hers.

She saw the concerned look on Cam's face whenever she found her still in the lab at closing time, and she thought she also saw a bit of sympathy. Now she could relate to her boss, since she knew Booth hadn't given it his all when he was with her, and she now knew it had been because of her, because of the love he was starting to feel for her. Now she could understand the harshness Cam showed her at the beginning, and with all due reason, since it was a fact it had been her closeness with Booth that had ruined any chances of that second go-round be a success. Luckily, Cam and Booth had remained close friends, and she knew that she had become his source of peace and advice whenever they were at odds. She guessed Cam was already informed of everything that had transpired, and she was thankful she had given them both time and space. For all of her good intentions, Angela would meddle too much, but Cam had a maturity that combined helpful advice with a timely sense of knowing when to take a step back and let them deal with things on their own, without prodding into their affairs, but letting them know at the same time she was there for them.

She had tried to occupy her time writing, but after rereading the scenes between her new Kathy and Andy, she dismissed them as too filled with angst and despair, no wonder reflecting her own battered heart, and the unsolved conflicts of her life.

She closed her laptop, and took a look around her office, seeing past the glass doors and into the empty lab. After her time in Maluku she had realized her work was a huge part of her, but that it was no longer her everything.

Sully had pointed out sometime that she could sail away, that she could leave everything behind and that her work wasn't everything about her, and she had proved she indeed could. To find herself, to see herself through her own eyes, because she had feared so much knowing she was seeing herself through Booth´s eyes, and she could no longer think of herself without him.

She was exhausted. Her talk with Booth had only exacerbated her sleeplessness and lack of appetite. She had lost 7 pounds in the last 10 days, and she had compensated by wearing her less-fitting clothes. If Angela found out, she would be shoving food down her throat without a moment´s hesitation.

She needed him. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when he had become so indispensable to her, but it had been this realization that had made her flee.

But now that everything was in the open, and the ball was literally in his court, she could understand how all those years of him waiting for her to catch up with her reality must have hurt. And the thing is that notion made her feelings for him become even deeper, awed at the depth of the loyalty attached to his love.

She had met her father, and behind their encounter and her tales of her time away and his own stories of Russ, Amy and their girls, they both knew there was something else. She had seen the tender understanding in his eyes. Her father had always been incredibly intuitive, no criminal like him got away with everything he had done without sharp-like senses, and he was the one who, apart from Booth, understood her the most, and read what no other people could, what she was hiding.

So, when they hugged outside the tiny Italian restaurant, and he tenderly brushed her hair, very much like he did whenever he bid her goodnight when she was a little girl, he whispered, "_Have faith, baby girl. He has loved you too long to dismiss the chance he's being give now that you finally got it. Have faith my sweet girl, because your future is not far from you", _and those words, along with the tender touch made her burst in tears in the middle of the street, but she didn't mind that she was allowing herself such an open display of emotions, all she cared was her father's arms wrapped around her, holding her in a way she had needed badly. He had wiped her tears, and kissed her forehead tenderly before departing, silence hanging between them, but her hope a bit mended after their encounter, mended enough at least to help her through the day.

She had everything money could buy, and yet she didn't flaunt her wealth. Because she had learned there were things money couldn't purchase. Her borrowed family had taught her that lesson.

_I don't need a lot of things_

_I can get by with nothing_

_Of all the blessings life can bring_

_I've always needed something_

_But I've got all I want_

_When it comes to loving you_

_You're my only reason_

_You're my only truth_

Booth had been the most fervent teacher in that area, and she had already assumed that her new findings about herself meant nothing if she had no one to share them with. Angela's word of so long ago came back to her, "_A sunset is more beautiful when you have someone to share it with", _and it couldn't have been more true. Many times during her time away, staring at the beautiful landscapes and vanilla skies adorning the Pacific the only person she thought of was him. Sometimes, she had daydreamed of him standing behind her, strong arms wrapped around her waist, solid chest colliding with her back, warming her from the slightly chilly Pacific night, sharing the view, standing there in silent vigil, letting their love deepen the bond that had always existed between them.

She tiredly placed her forehead on her arms perched on her desk, wishing for tiredness to overcome her overactive brain, but mostly, her overactive heart. Following his advice, putting her brain in neutral and heart in overdrive, had opened a world of new sensations, but pain was the one she was feeling the most right now, because everything was hanging by a single, solitary thread. One word from him and she could literally be soaring to the sky or falling to her demise.

_I need you like water_

_Like breath, like rain_

_I need you like mercy_

_From heaven's gate_

_There's a freedom in your arms_

_That carries me through_

_I need you_

She had to hope. She had to continue hoping. It was a strange notion for someone who, like her, had spent her entire life basing everything on facts and evidence, and not on the notion of intangibility, love being the primary example.

_You're the hope that moves me_

_To courage again_

_You're the love that rescues me_

_When the cold winds, rage_

_And it's so amazing_

_'Cause that's just how you are_

_And I can't turn back now_

_'Cause you've brought me too far_

She couldn´t deny what he had done to her, and she couldn't go back to the way she was. Even if before she was relatively comfortable with her life, the warmth she had found in all the lessons he had taught her couldn't be dismissed.

_I need you like water_

_Like breath, like rain_

_I need you like mercy_

_From heaven's gate_

_There's a freedom in your arms_

_That carries me through_

_I need you_

_Oh yes I do_

She felt drowsy, and she could feel exhaustion dripping from every single pore of her body, but she couldn't move. She thought of driving, but she feared she wouldn't be able to complete the ride to her place. She figured she would have to call a cab, since Booth wasn't around anymore to drive her home. He had a strange knack of knowing when the cases were too much for her, and her pride wouldn't allow her to admit just how exhausted he was. So he had used to breeze his way into her office, cajole/threaten her to bodily remove her from the lab, coax her with offers of much needed food and drink, and she was done. She always had given in, and the pleasure flooding his features at her surrender usually had sealed the deal, along with increasing the tingling sensation of knowing she was the reason behind that blinding smile.

Her frown deepened as she admitted to herself how rare that smile had become since her rejection, how fake it felt, and how much she yearned to see it again.

10 days without him were too much. And she wondered how long a human being could live solely on hope.

If he chose Hannah, she would only hug him and truly wish him the very best.

If he chose her, she would devote her entire life to show him he would have no reason to regret going with his gut. Because he had seen through her layers, and he had seen who she truly was.

Her body bent over her desk, she didn't notice the solitary figure standing in the shadows of the vacant lab.

He had been meaning to talk to her, but he was afraid. He was still afraid to believe everything he had desired was finally within arm's reach. He was still too stunned to believe the woman he had loved had finally put her fears aside and decided to trust him to lead them both into a journey towards the life he had envisioned they could have. And to be truthful, after Hannah's departure, he had needed a bit of time to come to grips with everything happening.

But this night he had finally gathered every ounce of courage he possessed, and drove to her place, surprised when her doorman told him she still wasn´t home. His thoughts then assumed she would be in her second home. The lab. He wasn't surprised when Richard, the security guard at the night shift, informed him that Dr. Brennan was still in the building and that everyone was home.

He walked slowly, not wanting to scare her, and saw her exhausted, dejected motions. How she softly closed her laptop, seeing her previous annoyance and how fast she hit what he guessed was the backspace button, clearly erasing every single word she had written.

She saw her lean a bit against her seat before dropping her arms to her desk and resting her forehead against them, inhaling deeply, obviously trying to get some rest.

From his vantage point, he could see every line of exhaustion etched on her beautiful face, and it cut him to know he was probably the reason behind them. He could see a glimmer of hope, but there was a sadness he couldn't deny. Her green-blue eyes cloudy, now turning to the misty blue he had learned to read, signaling deep anguish.

His heart broke for her, but at least he was here now, and he vowed to himself never to be the reason again behind that look. He vowed to himself to erase it every single day and instead bring that sparkle that had filled his lonely nights.

He used his sniper training and trained on her, noticing how she was still oblivious to his presence, staring at her, his eyes soft and tender falling on the short curtain of silk mahogany framing her face.

She jumped a bit as she felt a pair of hands brush the hair back from her face to push it to the side and caress the spot behind her neck, and she raised her head from her bent position, and smiled weakly at the owner. His smell had hit her a fraction of a second before she felt his touch on her skin, that's why she hadn't felt any fear, just painful longing for him, for everything he could do.

He bent a little to touch the arms of her chair and spun her around, their bodies facing until he got on his haunches and perched his arms next to her legs, his body caging her, but not trapping her, letting her feel his warmth but without overwhelming her with the intimate gesture.

"Hey, Bones. At the risk of sounding patronizing, you shouldn't be here. You should try to rest", he said, his tender tone making her heart jump a little in joy at his concern for her, "It's almost 11".

"I didn't want to go home", she decided to be truthful, "All I do is toss and turn and not sleep at all", now that they were so close, he could see it was true. Not even the makeup she was wearing could hide the discreet red rim under her eyes, speaking of her exhaustion.

"I can see that. Bones, baby", he didn't even mind the slip of the tongue, because she was both his Bones, his baby, and he was done playing around, "You can't do this to yourself", now that their bodies were so close too, he could see she had lost weight, "You have to take care of yourself for me when I'm not around. You're going to give me gray hairs before my time", he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

It didn't feel awkward to talk this way, his strong arms resting next to her thighs, his fingers caressing the skin of her hips over the light fabric of her pants. She felt loved, and cherished.

"I'm sorry, Booth. It's just that I…", she said hesitantly, "I've lost my appetite as well", he raised one hand to caress her soft cheek, again marveling at how soft compared to his own hand, knowing without testing that the rest of her body would be just as soft and silky.

"Baby, promise me you're going to try and eat a bit, even if I'm not here to force you. For me?", he said, his puppy dog eyes in full swing, making her legs turn to jelly. Good thing she was sitting, otherwise she would have had to hold on to him for support.

"I… I promise, Booth", he smiled charmingly at her soft promise, and with his free hand, he took her hand and kissed her knuckles gently, one by one, making her shiver. He marveled at how unusually complaint she was to his attentions, but he knew she had been missing him just as much as he had been missing her.

"Do you want me to drive you home?", he asked, his eyes fixed on her face, hating how insecure she felt. He guessed it would fade after he told her of his conversation with Hannah.

He saw she wanted to say yes, but that she was hesitant to accept it, and her next words confirmed his suspicions, "I was about to call a cab… You… Shouldn't you be with… Hannah?", she asked, and he smiled tenderly at her, his hand going again to her jaw line, caressing her skin, shaking his head, he replied, "I have nowhere to go, unless it's with you, Bones. So, again, want to go home, and try to give that rest a shot?", he asked, seeing her eyes widen a bit and lose a bit of the cloud that was hiding that spark he so badly wanted to see.

_I need you like water_

_Like breath, like rain_

_I need you like mercy_

_From heaven's gate_

_There's a freedom in your arms_

_And it carries me through_

_I need you_

_Oh yes I do_

_I need you_

_ahh i need you_

"Booth…", she said, "We need to talk", she said, hating to bring a subject that could turn sour quite fast, and he nodded his agreement, but he didn´t stop smiling at her.

"Yes, we do need to talk, but first we got to feed you and get you into bed so you can have all the energy you need for us to become the best crime-fighting duo in the universe", she smiled back at him, and her own hand went to his cheek, caressing his face, loving the slight coarseness of his stubble against her palm, relieved that seemingly he wasn't about to leave her.

Still in front of her, he retrieved his cell phone from his jacket, and pressed a button. She frowned a bit, wondering how he might be calling, and was startled as she listened to his end of the conversation.

"Cam?", he said, "I need a favor. Bones needs tomorrow off", he listened to his friend, "I know it's a Friday, but it's kind of personal", he smiled at what he heard, "Cam, you're the best. Thank you so much for this", he smiled even more, "Yes, I promise I'll be taking _excellent _care of my Bones, ok?", there was something wicked hidden underneath, and she didn't know why, but she found herself blushing at the possessiveness of his words, and his smile was now in his eyes, that teasing glint she knew meant he had noticed. "Have a good night, Cam. And again, thanks for this. We both appreciate it", the use of the `we´ brought a rush of warmth and giddiness she couldn't fight, nor did she want to.

He flipped the phone shut, and said, "So, we're all set. We have the entire weekend to talk. But only if you promise to do as I say, indulge my alpha-maleness as you love to say and let me take care of you", she gave him a tender, loving smile, and nodded.

"Even if it goes against my beliefs, since I'm quite capable of fending for myself, I find that I'm surprisingly delighted that you're willing to take care of me", she said, her voice soft, and he smiled, "And I truly appreciate it", she had vowed to herself never to hide her feelings from him again, both the good, the bad, the sad and the joyous, "No one has been willing to take care of me in a very long time", she let her thumb enjoy the feeling of his skin, and that seemingly she now had the freedom to do so.

Turning his head so that he could place a kiss against her palm, his heart tugging painfully at the thought of her loneliness, of her solitude, of how lost she was, without having someone to love her, to let her know she deserved to be pampered and cherished as he had been aching to do for so long, he replied, "Bones, while there´s breath in my body, you'll always have me to take care of you, got it?", she nodded, and with a smile, he got on his feet, and tugged gently at her hand, steadying her as their bodies stood, facing each other.

"I'm going to take you home, and pamper you until you scream at me for being the overbearing alpha-male I am, ok?", he promised, and couldn't resist pressing a kiss against her forehead, feeling how her body was already leaning into his, his arms instantly going to wrap around her, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle finally making a whole, his voice dropped several tones as he added, "and I'm going to remind you you'll always have me, no matter what, baby", he felt her arms sneak around his waist, and smiled as he felt her inhale against his chest, savoring the chance of having her finally in his arms, where he knew she would always be.

"Okay", she whispered, "Please, take me home, Booth", and they both knew she wasn't referring to her literal home. They both knew she was talking about the future they had just started seeing was not only a figment of their dreams, but a very possible reality they would fight their way to have.

So, with that thought in mind, he disengaged their bodies, and they feel into their rituals, his holding helping her out of the lab coat and into her jacket, but not without pressing a loving kiss against her shoulder, which she surprisingly leaned against, like she was seeking his touch again, him helping her organize her laptop and her bag, and then, to add the final touch, his arm this time not at an angle and touching the small of her back, but firmly wrapped around her waist, bringing their sides together, her head on his shoulders as he indeed drove them home.

Richard, watching them after they bid him goodbye, had to smile, "_Finally. I hope I get to see the family they're going to have". _There had never been a doubt in his mind, staring at them through lonely night and playful banter that this image was not an end, but a beginning to a more fulfilling and certainly more surprising partnership.

_Criminals of the world beware, because those two are certainly back._

**If you noticed, the windows are still open. Musie continues to love your words, so please, tell me what you thought.**

**Since I already said my mission was to ease our aching hearts, this might have a bit more chappies… I don't promise anything, but I'll do everything to console and comfort both you and me… (sigh)… What I do promise is that if I continue, only fluff (and perhaps a teensy, tiny bit of tender smut) will join for the ride!**

**Tell me what you thought, and as always, a SUPERTHANKS!**

**And before I leave, I didn't truly revise, so I apologize for anything wrong here, ok?**

**XOXOXO to everyone**


	8. Save me from myself

_**As usual, I own nothing. Congratulation to Emily Deschanel, or as a fellow writer said, Mrs. Hornsby.**_

_**The song is "Save me from myself", by Christina Aguilera. It's a wonderful song, and I believe it reflects much of Brennan's personality, and what Booth has done for her emotionally over the years.**_

_**Reviews have been low, but I thank those who have taken the time to drop me a line from the bottom of my heart. It is for you that I haven't given up. **_

_**I think we still have one or two chappies… But you'll be the ones to decide…**_

_**Anyway, here we go…**_

The drive to her place was filled with silence, but for the first time ever since they were back, it wasn't filled with awkwardness. It was no longer filled with the words they were too scared to say, because now they knew their chance at forever, at _Eventually_ was finally here.

Seeing the tiredness etched on her beautiful face made his heart ache, having the confirmation he was the reason behind all of her distress, and he gently led her to his SUV, seeing the glint of hope start to shine in her saddened eyes, a glint that was even more visible the moment he dared grab a hold of her hand, and entwined their fingers, and instead of finding the reluctant response that would be so characteristic of her, she just played with their hands, keeping them tightly clasped together, sealing their bond and making it into the something more they had craved for. And it made his heart tug even more painfully when despite the fact that she was almost asleep against the headrest of her seat, she didn't let go of him, not for a second.

_Aw, baby, I'll never let go of you either, ever, _was his only thought on his mind as he stared at her.

She wasn't as asleep as he thought since the moment he put the car in park, she tiredly opened her eyes and asked, "Are we home already?", he smiled tenderly at how beautiful she looked, that little girl look that softened every single feature, her vulnerability igniting every single protective instinct in him, knowing he would always protect her from harm.

"We are home", he said, and opened his door. When he was at the other side, she had already unbuckled her seatbelt, but he could clearly see she was waiting for him to get her door, and he smiled even more, knowing she was letting him have those tiny bits her feminist side would have readily refuse, aware she was letting him know she was finally "all in", as he had so badly desired.

He walked them slowly, not wanting to rush her in view of her exhaustion, and again, she just leaned her head on his shoulder as he led them to her elevator. Her doorman smiled gently at them, a knowing glimmer in his eyes, one Booth was certain he would see a lot of in the upcoming days. He wasn't a fool, so he would never deny he didn't know many people were waiting for this to happen.

He had sensed Cam's disapproval of Hannah, not because of her own person, but because as his longtime friend, she knew Hannah was just his pitiful attempt to forget about the woman he truly loved. She had even met them at the Founding Fathers, and the moment Hannah excused herself and went to the restroom, Cam's only words had been "_You're a one-woman man, Seeley. I'm not going to tell you not to try and rebuild you life, but I think we both know you well enough to truly know where your heart lies, and it's not with the woman who just left the table". _Wisest words that never been spoken, because Cam knew all of his layers, and in his heart there wasn't a single doubt she only meant what was best for him.

And no matter what, the best for him was the woman so trustingly perched on the side of his body.

After the short ride in the elevator, and the walk to her place, he didn't even wait for her to look for her keys. They had traded keys a long while ago, in case of an emergency, and he just searched for his keychain, finding the silver plated key that now meant all doors of her life were open to him. She just burrowed her face against his neck further, making his body feel alight with a joy he had never known before.

He took her purse and laptop and placed them on the designated place on her shelf, and led her to her couch, again kneeling before her and removing her heels, lightly caressing her delicate feet, her eyes filled with tired satisfaction at his tenderness. But how he wished he could see that look on her face for the rest of his life, but again it seemed time for hoping was over, and he could get to work on his reality.

When her feet were bare, he caressed her ankles, and said, "Wait here, ok?", she nodded, and he guessed she was too exhausted to argue. He straightened his body and walked towards her bedroom, but not without pressing a loving kiss against her forehead before walking away, enjoying the breathy sigh that left her lips, bringing a smile to her lips, knowing she was wondering what he was about to do, but trusting him enough to know he was only aiming to care for her as she so badly needed.

He entered his room, and closed his eyes briefly as he enjoyed the smell that filled his nostrils. A combination of watermelon and citrus that ignited every cell. Knowing time was of the essence, he entered her bathroom.

It was neat, as everything in her place, and it had those intimate touches that had always marveled him. It was a large bathroom, the shower stall standing alone as her bathtub was placed right next to it, the black marble contrasting with the perfect white of the ceramic on her walls. Feminine products standing neatly organized in marble shelves, attesting to how despite her busy schedule, she made time to indulge into her girlish side. He knew Angela was the one behind it, having witnessed how, from time to time, Angela practically dragged her to those spa places, particularly when she knew there was case after case, stealing their energies and draining their minds.

He bent and opened the tap for the hot water, and his eyes roamed the room, smiling in triumph when he found what he was searching for. He read a bit, and following the instructions, dropped 2 silvery lavender pearls in the steaming water, his nostrils enjoying the soft scent emanating from the water, and when he deemed the temperature was too hot, he opened the cold water until it turned a pleasant warm he knew wouldn't harm her flawless skin.

He closed the taps, and set everything in place: he placed her hair products within easy reach, he found 4 candles which he assumed she used whenever she meant to relax and lit them, he was about to fold a towel when he noticed one of those bath pillows and set it in place, and at the edge of her tub, he placed 2 large fluffy towels at the side and hung her bathrobe by the nook above the tub. Finally pleased with the result, he walked towards the living room, his eyes softening when he found her on her side, practically asleep in a position he knew was anything but comfortable.

He crouched again in front of her, and tenderly brushed her bangs from her forehead, loving how young they made her look, but at the same time, missing a bit those long curls he had always itched to touch.

"Baby", he jostled her gently, "Wake up, it's time for your bath", he smiled at her sleepy grumble, and confused reply,

"Bath?", she asked, and he nodded, seeing her sleepy eyes open on him, the shade so much darker than he was used to, making him marvel at the depth and beauty of them.

"Yes, bath. You're exhausted, and tense. A bath will help you. Everything is ready. You just go there, relax for a while, and I'll cook something healthy, and non-meaty for you", seeing her about to argue, he raised his hand, and halted her protest, "Baby, you've lost weight. Let me take care of you. When I'm done, I'll even tuck you in", he saw her eyes brighten with emotion, the glimmer of tears starting to appear.

"Why are you so nice to me? Whatever did I do to deserve you, Booth?", she said softly, her voice filled with love and awe, and he inhaled deeply before replying.

"You were you, beautiful. And you deserve the world, as far as I'm concern, so chop chop, before your bath gets icy and we miss the entire point of the exercise", her lips curved in another tired smile, and she let him haul her to her feet.

He slowly walked her to the room and into her bathroom. He could see her eyes widen at the picture before her, and she turned grateful eyes at him, filled with emotion, "Booth, you didn't have to do this", he shook his head, and standing right behind her, he just bent his head a little and pressed a kiss against her shoulder, making her gasp softly, "Anything for my girl. I'll let you get ready, and I'll come here in a little while. Enjoy", pressing another kiss, he turned on his wheels and closed the door behind him. Knowing how exhausted she truly was, he would have wanted to help her out of her clothes, but he didn't think he could stand the sight of her naked body without reacting like the caveman she attested he was. That was why he had set her bathrobe close. He didn't think he could go through her drawers and find those silky night clothes he knew she favored, since he already had proof. When he used to come first time in the morning, and he woke her up, she always opened her door using those silky robes that clung to every curve, making him salivate, feeding him more material for his nighttime fantasies.

So, with that thought in mind, he walked towards her kitchen, and busied himself in the safety that cooking provided. He found a healthy stack of vegetables, and opening her cupboards he found all sorts of spices. Finding what he needed, he cooked her something stir-fryish, but light on the condiments so her stomach wouldn't get upset at the heavy food at this hour of the night. He tasted it, and very pleased with the results, he opened her fridge again, knowing he would find a bottle of her favorite wine. He opened her drawers, found the corkscrew and opened it, knowing it had to breathe a little before being served. He turned the burner off, and after setting the table, he washed his hands, dried them and set to walk to her room.

He stood in front of her bathroom door, and knocked softly, "Bones, bath time is over", he said playfully, "Food is ready". He waited a few moments for a response, but there was none. "Bones? I can hear your stomach rumbling all the way down here", he teased, knowing a remark like that would create a response, but still there was only silence. Inhaling, he thought of his options. He didn't want to break her rest, but he knew she had to get out. Half an hour had passed and the water must be getting cold.

He tried the doorknob, and it gave way easily, which he guessed it would since he had been the one to lock it behind him as he exited earlier.

His breath caught in his throat at the picture before him: her head was thrown back, exposing her long, supple neck to his eyes, eyes closed. His eyes then roamed to her chest, the bubbles still clinging to her skin, making it seem luminous and shiny. He took in the steady rise and fall of her chest, and he then realized she was deeply asleep. He took the chance to admire her, and he shook his head. How could she be any more beautiful to him? His chest ached at the thought of waking her from her peaceful slumber, which he could see she needed so badly, the lines of fatigue partially erased from her face in the depth of her sleep.

He approached the bathtub softly, and let out a relieved sigh as he noticed the bubbles were still covering her body, a part of him longing for the full sight of her, but still reluctant to indulge in that pleasure until it was time, until they both could share their bodies fully.

He touched her shoulder gently, and shook her tenderly, "Baby, wake up", he said, and he could see her inhale deeply before opening dark blue pools on him, a tender, exhausted smile on her lips as she stared at him, and she huskily said, "Booth".

It was lucky she was half asleep, otherwise she would have run for the hills at the lusty glimmer than entered his eyes. How he wished he could drown in that breathy moan, wondering how he could play her body to make it again, and for him alone.

"Bones, baby, you need to get out. The water must be getting cold, and your food awaits", he charmingly said. She moved her toes, and noticed that indeed the water was losing its warmth and it was just starting to become chilly. But she had felt so relaxed in the warm water, and sleep had overcome her, now knowing her place wasn't an empty shell. She had closed her eyes basking in the knowledge that Booth was finally taking care of her in the way she had longed for, and the safety the thought provided was what finally allowed her to let her walls down, and surrender to the exhaustion and pull of peaceful sleep.

When she heard his voice, the vice part of her told her she was dreaming, but the warmth that emanated from his large hand couldn't be mistaken. He was here, for her, and her eyes took in the sight of him, tall, glorious and just plain amazing.

"It is, indeed", she replied, and the moment she started straightening her body in the tub, he quickly spun around, making her chuckle, knowing he didn't want to see her naked. She could have taunted him, assuming it was because of his prudish tendencies. But this time had shown her it wasn't because he was a prude, but because he wanted to cherish the moment when he could finally share his body with hers, and enjoy in the feeling of finally being one with her. So she held back from teasing him, and standing with a tired groan, she stood, and grabbed the fluffy towels, one around her wet hair, and bent to dry her body.

He couldn't see, but he definitely could hear, and the sounds of the water lapping against her skin were too much for him. He couldn't stop his fevered mind from creating the most luscious images of her, water cascading through every curve, caressing her skin, and he had to resort, as usual, to recite saints' names to fight the impending response of his body to everything that involved Temperance Brennan.

When she was nice and dry, she stepped from the tub, and it was funny how fast he stepped away, sensing her body´s closeness to his, taking 5 purposeful strides from her. She hid her scoff, and sat on the edge of her tub, drying her calves and feet. She knew what it must have been doing to him, and she loved him even more for that. Another male would have pounced on her.

She remembered Sully, who wouldn't wait for her to be done before dragging her to bed, even if he knew she was exhausted by the cases. She remembered Peter, who never respected her need to be alone sometimes. She remembered every guy who just simply put their needs before hers, and seeing the tension in Booth's back, knowing he was holding back his desire for her just to take care of her, made her heart jump and ache.

She discarded the towel, and took the bathrobe, enjoying the feeling of the fluffy material against her skin, protecting her from the slightly chilly air. As she was releasing her damp hair from the towel, she said, "I'm ready, you can look".

He turned around, and faced her, and again, his lungs had to fight for air. He knew she knew what his reactions were to this situation, and for once hadn't made fun of him or taunted him. She knew one look at her, and his resolve would crumble like a house of cards, but she had understood that what he wanted, needed, right now was to care for her, and show her he was there for real. But nothing could have prepared him for this.

Of course, he had seen her first thing in the morning, face scrubbed clean, and hair deliciously rumpled from sleep. But seeing her like this, skin luminous, smelling like every delicious thing he knew, hair damp and dark against her ivory skin, eyes bright and skin rosy with the warmth of the water she had just vacated, he wanted to pounce on her. He truly did. But he assuaged the beast, telling himself he would indulge in all those thoughts when the time was right, which he knew wouldn't be far. They were both ready.

She couldn't fight the shiver that ran through her at the predatory look in his eyes. And her feminine side was delighted that wrapped in a simply fluffy bathrobe and her skin, it seemed she looked as beautiful to him as she did in her fanciest attires.

"There you are", he said, huskily, and it didn't get pass either of them the desire lacing his voice.

"Here I am, Booth", she simply replied, and she decided she was the one who had to lighten the mood and break them both from their trance. If this what a bath was doing, she didn't imagine what they could be like in bed, "Did I hear something about food?

He smiled proudly at her, "Indeed. I promised, and I always deliver. Put on something warmer, and meet me in the kitchen", she nodded, and he hastily exited her bathroom.

This time she couldn't fight her chuckle, and she entered her room, noticing he had closed it behind him. She shook her head in amusement, and went to her closet. She found a pair of cotton pj's. No matter how cold she was, her skin was so delicate she couldn't stand the feel of something thicker against her body. That's why she favored silk and cotton, they didn't feel abrasive. There were lavender, the pants reached her calves, brushing her skin, and the top had a lacy trim on the edge, with a bow to be tied at the middle of her breasts, giving a tantalizing, yet chaste look to her breasts.

She brushed her hair, untangling the knots, and decided to let it loose to dry.

She put on a pair of lavender socks, with bows that matched her top. Taking one look at herself, she smiled. She didn't look precisely sexy, but she looked… what would Angela say? Cute? Innocent? It would have to do anyway.

She exited her room, and the moment she opened her door, her nostrils were hit with the smell of something delicious.

She smiled and found him pouring wine, plates of steaming food already set on the table.

"You didn't have to do all of this", she said, and he raised his eyes, his breath catching yet again. She looked so perfect, so ethereal…

"Anything for you, Bones", she smiled widely, and he helped her to her chair, sitting in front of her.

_It's not so easy loving me_

_It gets so complicated_

_All the things you've gotta be_

_Everything's changin_

_But you're the truth_

_I'm amazed by all your patience_

_Everything I put you through_

They shared mindless conversation. She asked about Parker, enjoying how happy he looked whenever they talked about his son.

Before they knew it, they had finished their meals, and both felt perfectly satisfied. Halting her protests, saying he would take care of everything, he took their plates to the sink, and starting rinsing them.

She decided to ask the question nagging her, and she hesitantly said, her courage coming from the fact that she was facing his back, "Did Parker… did Parker take to Hannah? Did he… like her?".

He heard the hesitation and the doubt in her voice. He knew she was aware any woman who entered a relationship with him had to be Parker-approved. His son was gentle, loving, he certainly had inherited his people skills, but as kind and polite he had been towards Hannah, Booth knew Parker had never accepted her fully.

One day, when he had taken Parker to the park for their "father-son exclusive time", between throws of the ball, he had asked Parker if he liked Hannah for his girlfriend. Parker had taken his time to answer, but when he did, Booth knew Parker would settle for her if he felt that´s what his father wanted, but that he knew she wasn't the one to make his dad truly happy.

"_She's nice, Dad", he had said, but Booth had seen Parker's reluctance to answer his question, and he knew they needed to sit down and have a serious conversation. So when Parker threw the ball back at him, Booth held on to it, and gave his son the look they both knew meant they had to really open to each other._

_They rested their backs against the tree trunk, enjoying how the slight chill of the fall cooled their exercise-heated bodies, and Booth brushed Parker's curls, enjoying how they felt against his hand. His boy was growing too fast, and he relished these moments of silent companionship._

"_Bub, you know you can tell me anything, right?", Parker just nodded, but still didn't speak, "I want you to tell me how you truly feel. You're the most important thing in the world to me. No one, no one could take your place in my heart, ok?", Parker nodded again, "I want you to open to me. I know Hannah is sort of new and you're not used to seeing me with someone for so long…", he saw Parker's frown, and instantly asked, "Hey, bub, what's wrong?"_

_Parker sighed, and said, "That's not true", Booth replied, a frown on his face, "What's not true? You know I love you more than anything Bub", he said, and Parker shook his head._

"_Not about that, Daddy", it warmed his heart whenever his son called him daddy. He was growing so fast, and of course, he was trying to show he was growing into a very big boy, favoring "dad" over "daddy". "I know you do love me. I have no doubts, but… I have seen you with someone for long", at Booth's confusion, he clarified, "With Bones. She was always around. Since Hannah came, you two don't hang out that much anymore"._

"_Bub, it's only normal. Bones is my friend, but Hannah is my girlfriend", he said, and Parker seemed to think, "So it's because you don't want her to be jealous of Bones?", Booth was very surprised, but he shouldn't have, knowing how bright his son truly was._

"_Parks…", he sighed, "I mean, it's not because of that. When you have a relationship with someone, you spend time with them over other people", he said, and Parker frowned again. "Bub, what is it?"_

"_It's just…", his boy turned pleading brown eyes, and Booth's heart crumpled at his son's obvious despair, "When you're with Bones, you smile more. Now, I see you try to be happy, but I can tell you're sad. Hannah is pretty and all, but Daddy…", he seemed hesitant, "Don't you care for Bones anymore? She only has us to make her happy", Booth's heart filled with pride at how caring Parker was, and deep inside, it warmed him to know she had such a huge place in his heart._

"_Of course I do. But… She decided she'd rather be friends with me, and she needed time and space, bub", Parker seemed to ponder the new information before he smiled reassuringly at Booth, "Don't worry, Daddy. She'll come around", and those words coming from his little boy gave him a sparkle of hope that helped him cope with everything going on._

And now he could see what his son had meant. In his heart, Booth knew the only Parker would accept was their Bones, and now everything was finally falling into place.

Breaking himself out of his memories, he answered her question, "Parker… I mean, he dealt with it. I mean, he thought she was pretty, but I guess he knew she wasn´t "_the one" _for me. I think in his eyes the only choice for me… was you", her blue eyes sparkled and he could see them getting moist.

"Really?", she choked out, voice filled with emotion and awe, he nodded, and clasped her hand in his, "Really. We Booth men are bound to love only one woman. And that woman is you. He… He gave me hope, that one day you would see what we could be. He adores you, Bones. He truly does. And he'll be thrilled that you´re finally "_our girl",_ he finished and moved his other hand to wipe a tear that fell down her porcelain skin.

"How could he love me? I'm not good with children", she said, and he moved his chair, so he was closer to her.

"You've labeled yourself as that, but that's not true. Remember Andy? How comfortable he looked around you, how he fell asleep in your arms, how he would only take his bottle if it was you feeding him? And Parker… I could see how patient you were, explaining things to him in a way he could understand, how you didn't make him feel like a child, but instead filled him with confidence in what he could be, in what he could do. You're more capable of love than anyone I've met, but you've spent your life fearing that people are going to hurt you. And you have facts to prove it. But I'm here, baby", he said, brushing her cheek, enjoying how she leaned against his touch, resting her head against his palm, her soft skin contrasting to his calloused fingers, as always a contrast that melted to create a beautiful whole, "I'm here to stay. When they were going to take me to surgery, and I told you to take my stuff for a kid, I knew, without a doubt, that you would be the best mom ever. If I said no it's because I wanted it all. Bones… it has hurt me too much being away from my kid, but I've learned to deal, even if it kills me sometimes to miss so much. But being away from my child, from OUR child, when I love you this much… That would definitely be the end of me", they both knew he needed to say this, "Bones… That dream I had… The thought of seeing you swell with our baby, knowing it was our love which put it there… It was overwhelming… I didn't want to wake… Feeling loved by you, feeling your body…", his voice turned husky and filled with need, "Being inside you, making love to you… I couldn't deny it anymore. That's why I was so desperate that night at the Hoover. I've craved you for so long", she let him embrace her, feeling him inhale against her neck, as if she was water and he was in the desert.

_When I'm about to fall_

_Somehow you're always waitin_

_with your open arms to catch me_

_You're gonna save me from myself_

_from myself, yes_

_You're gonna save me from myself_

"Me too, Booth. I wrote that book, and when I finished, I realized I wouldn't be able to turn away from what I felt. That night…", she said, and her eyes filled with more tears. He nudged he, and she understood what he was asking. So she let him place her on his laps, his strong arms wrapped around her like a security blanket, making her feel safe and loved. "After recalling how bad things were for us at the beginning, I was afraid. I don't ever want you to be hurt on my behalf, even if I now see the flaw in my reasoning. I turned you down, and I hurt you. Booth…", she said longingly, staring in his eyes, shining with love, love for _her. _"I never meant for you to think that your love wasn't enough for me. I never knew what it meant for me to see myself through your eyes, but when I realized I couldn't think of my life without you in it, knowing one day you would want more… I'm so sorry I brought you so much pain", and he could see how sad she was that they had to go through so much to reach this place.

He raised one hand, and placed it at the nape of her neck, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb, amazed that her skin was indeed as soft as it looked, "You don't have to be sorry. I always knew you needed time, and I couldn't rush you, but I was so heartbroken… Remembering how it felt like to kiss you, to hold you in my arms, willingly, how much passion I could feel from you… I ached for that. And when you turned me down…", he shook his head, but still didn't tear his eyes from her blue gaze, "I thought I had lost my chance at happiness. Then I found Hannah, and I realized I could still feel something. Not what I felt, what I feel for you, but it was second best. Bones… My beautiful Bones", he said, staring at her face in what could be described as disbelief she was like this, in his arms, her heart in her eyes, only for him, "When I saw those 30, 40, 50 years… I only imagined them with you. I imagined our children, I imagined a boy who looked like me, and a beautiful girl with your eyes, your brains, your hair", he said, caressing the still damp curls, "I imagined a life of bickering, of fights over who's driving, I imagined lazy Sundays, making love until we passed out from exhaustion", her cheeks turned that adorable shade of pink he loved, "I imagined you, pregnant, looking more beautiful than any woman has a right to be. I saw you sitting in a rocking chair, holding our baby, singing him or her to sleep. I saw all of that. I want all of that. But most of all, I want you to know no matter how little you think of yourself, to me, you are the world, you are MY world, Temperance", he said, knowing her given name would actually tell her how serious he was, "When Pam Noonan shot me, my only thought was that no one, no one could hurt what was mine. Because you are mine as much as I am yours. I belong to you, and I can only hope you want me this way", he said, and her only response was laying her head on his shoulder, her hand making idle patterns on his chest, his arms wrapped firmly around her smaller frame, keeping her in his lap, holding her to the Earth.

"I do, Booth. I do. I do want that. I want it with you. I don't know if I'll be able to give you that, but I want to try and make you happy. I never wanted to have that with anyone else. That's why I didn't, couldn't leave with Sully. The thought of not seeing you every single day, the mere idea of you not being there to hold me when everything got too difficult… I couldn't deal. I know Gordon Gordon told us it was because I couldn't live a live without purpose. But I guess he knew that what I couldn't live without was you. I'm sorry I ran from this for so long, that it seemed that I was throwing all those men in your face, when you were the best, you are the best of them all. There's no way I can compare them. You… You are unique to me, Seeley", she also decided to use his given name so he didn't doubt the degree of what she was promising.

_My love is tainted by your touch_

_Cuz some guys have shown me aces_

_But you've got that royal flush_

_I know it's crazy everyday_

_Well tomorrow may be shaky_

_But you never turn away_

Her eyes filled with tears, but she smiled so he knew those weren't sad tears, but very happy ones, that there were the result of the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm her, "I never knew… I could love someone the way… the way I love you, and I still don't know how you could love me. I'm not easy to love, and proof of that is how much I've hurt you. That's what scares me, because even if I trust completely you'll never leave, I'm afraid I'll drive you away", she said, biting her lower lip.

_Don't ask me why I'm cryin_

_Cuz when I start to crumble_

_You know how to keep me smilin_

_You always save me from myself_

_from myself, myself_

_You're gonna save me from myself_

"Bones…", he sighed, holding her to him more tightly if possible, "You'll never drive me away. Yes, we'll fight. We bicker way too much not to. We'll disagree, on small things, on the important things, but what matters is that either of us vows not to run, but to share what we're feeling. To speak the truth, to trust each other, as we have trusted each other with our lives, with our friendship. The only thing that I need is for you not to shut me out, to keep me outside. If you're going to build a wall, I want to be with you on the other side of that wall, to hold you, and let you know you don't have to be strong because I'll always catch you, I won't let you fall".

_I know it's hard, it's hard_

_But you've broken all my walls_

_You've been my strength, so strong_

His tenderness, his obvious security in his love for her, empowered her own, and she said against the skin of his neck, "Even if I can't trust myself fully, I trust you, and I promise, no matter what happens, I'll love you always. You've made me better, and despite what I said that night, it was you who changed me, Booth", she said, her voice breathless, making him shiver and his body grow taut with need for her, "I want it all. I want everything. But only if it's with you".

"Temperance", he said, kissing the crown of her hair, "I will spend my entire lifetime making sure we have it. As long as I'm breathing. I knew, Bones. Right from the moment I saw you on that podium, that you would change everything, that you would become my all", he said, inhaling her clean, tantalizing smell, "And you did. You are my all. The best is still to come", she nodded at his words.

"Booth?", she asked, and he replied, "Yes, baby?"

"Teach me".

_And don't ask me why I love you_

_It's obvious your tenderness_

_Is what I need to make me_

_a better woman to myself_

_to myself, myself_

_You're gonna save me from myself_


	9. Second AN

London Li

Mynicholle

Lady-josie

SouthunLady

Nytedreamer

Bonesluver25

Kate

Charrisma

Mrsvartan

Bellebones

Jsboneslover

NotAboutNightingales

I wanted to take the take the time to personally thank you for dropping me a line, and feeding my less-than-confident musie… Whether it was short, encouraging… They meant the world to me

And to those who have added me to their story alerts… You're amazing and the fact that you want to read something coming from yours truly is truly humbling…

I only hope I continue to make this worth your while…


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